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Sam Brownback here, Governor of Kansas. I recently signed a “Constitutional Carry” bill allowing anyone over 21 to carry concealed firearms without a permit, training, or background check. Simply put, virtually any adult can now carry a concealed weapon, regardless of criminal history, mental illness, or complete lack of knowledge about how to use the darn thing! I’ve always said, a society in which anyone can walk around with a killin’-stick in their trousers, free from the shackles of government regulation, is a safe society. Just like the Founding Fathers intended!

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I’m positive these venerable slave-owners would have my back on this!

That said, government regulation isn’t always evil. In the case of a select few truly dangerous activities, a little extra red tape is sometimes a necessity. For example, here are a few things that are justifiably more difficult to do in Kansas than carrying a concealed weapon:

Becoming a Notary

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We should thank our lucky stars that becoming a notary in Kansas requires a $25 filing fee, reading through a 50-page handbook, and taking an oath that includes swearing you’ve never been convicted of a felony. And thank God. Can you even imagine what could happen if a notary stamp were to fall into the wrong hands? A mentally-ill convicted felon could just waltz into a school and notarize every document in sight. I shudder to think of it. And to prevent an abuse of power once you’ve obtained a notary license, new notaries are also required to obtain a $7,500 bond to the state of Kansas to cover any third-party damages caused by their “negligence or misconduct”. Harsh punishment for misuse of the notary stamp is built into the very registration process. Now that’s smart government regulation.

Checking Out a Book From the Library

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In order to check out a book from a Kansas library one MUST obtain a library card. Furthermore, all library card applicants are required to prove residency and show identification indicating current name and address. If these necessary buffers were not in place, literally anyone could stroll into a library, check out a book, walk into a crowded place, and start reading to everyone he or she sees. Scary stuff. Book control is something I take very seriously.

Getting an Abortion

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I’m proud that Kansas has more restrictions on getting an abortion than any state in the U.S. First, a woman must undergo an ultrasound and be given the option to view the image. Then, after receiving obligatory counseling designed to discourage the abortion, she must wait 24 hours before receiving the actual procedure. Without this crucial required waiting period a woman could get an abortion in a state of emotional distress, with nothing to stop her from killing an innocent life. Can you even imagine!? THANK GOD FOR GOVERNMENT MANDATED WAITING PERIODS (for abortions).

Voting

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Recently enacted voter laws mandate that one must show proof of citizenship and present a government-issued ID, including but not limited to a drivers license, passport, birth certificate, or U.S. military identification document in order to vote. We used to accept concealed carry gun licenses as ID, but those aren’t a thing in Kansas any more! LOL! By requiring identification, we’re preventing the dangerous power of exercising one’s democratic duty from falling into the wrong hands (i.e. the non-whites, the immigrants, and the poors). A ballot in the hands of a disgruntled voter with nothing to lose is the stuff of nightmares. Just think of how many re-election campaigns they could kill without mercy?

Riding the Kansas State Fair Tilt-A-Whirl

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Riding the Tilt-A-Whirl is a huge responsibility that I don’t take lightly. The minimum height requirement is 48 inches. Despite massive pressure from the Non-tall Riders Association (NRA) I refuse to budge on the issue. It is a matter of public safety and I am a man of principle.


Well guys, I hope this makes you proud to live in Kansas. We’re always looking out for the safety and freedom, of our citizens. Toodle-oo!

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