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April 19, 2017

Farrah Abraham and Amber Portwood deserve a MemoryTag Greeting Card.

The running feud trending on Yahoo this week between Farrah Abraham and Amber Portwood begs the first question, who are Farrah Abraham and Amber Portwood?

Farrah Abraham is an American television reality show personality and Amber Portwood, well, apparently according to her Facebook website, she also is a reality show personality and the alleged star of “16 and Pregnant” (I don’t know if this is a tragedy or comedy), and “Teen Mom,” and since luckily for me I’ve never seen either show, I can’t comment on their quality.

Being a “reality star” basically means you don’t have to recite and memorize dialog and then act before a camera in a role where you also have to imitate some kind of emotion…indicating some form however minimal of talent.

Mostly what you do seems to be that you walk around and say inane things anything that pops into your head no matter how stupid, and engage in gossip and make insults against other contestants. These shows are popular with producers because they are cheap to make (you don’t have to pay a writer like me to think up something worthwhile watching), and such shows are also popular with mostly young people who enjoy brainless sexual innuendo, meaningless unrehearsed statements, televised vapidity and disgusting vulgarity.

You pose a lot in a tight-fitting dress with a low cut, in other words, a talking head with tits.

Television has come a long way.

Anyway back to the feud between Abraham and Portwood.

Apparently the two fought openly on the show “Teem Mom OG Reunion” (I don’t know who OG is, perhaps one of the young guys on the show who always wears a beard).

Now the Cain and Abel of slut television are back trading verbal jabs once again.

Portwood, 26, said Abraham, 25, is “jealous” of her, but Abraham disputed that allegation with the retort, “I don’t need to talk sh’t to feel better about myself.”

How profound, Abraham is kind of a slattern, Cro-Magnon philosopher.

On the reality show (this is not reality) “TMOG Renunion” (MOG must be related to OG, another 20-year-old guy with a beard who besides having the name of a caveman, exhibits about the same amount of wit). You could stand one of these guys next to a marble statue of the Biblical David and the statue would be less stiff and more expressive.

Anyway back to the cat feud.

When Abraham said Portwood’s much older fiancée looked like a pedophile, Portwood stormed across the stage and slapped Abraham’s face.

“F…k that Fu…kin bitch!” Portwood screamed. “Shut your Fu…king mouth. Don’t call my Fu…king man a pedophile!”

I would attempt to calm Portwood by saying, “Well…nobody’s perfect.”

I think instead I will send each of them a MemoryTag greeting card, you know, MemoryTag, the card company that revolutionized the greeting card by making it have video capability, and say anything you want a card to say. All I would have to do is download the MemoryTag app, record myself on a smartphone saying what I want to say, and then place the video on a small patch on the card.

All Abraham and Portwood would have to do is receive my card, read any message I had written on it, download the app on their smartphone, and then view my video message.

How about a MemoryTag card for both Abraham and Portwood that reads, “I Hate You the Least!”

My video message to both would say, “Now bare your fangs, sharpen your claws, bitch-slap each other and make up. Repeat after me, the world is really a good place, with bigger problems than your petty sh’t, and if it was up to me, you both would have to get an honest job.”

I don’t know about what Abraham would say but I’m pretty sure Portwood would respond with a MemoryTag video card message for me that said, “F…k you old man!”

MemoryTag says it in a way no other greeting card can. For information go to https://memorytag.cards/.