Chew on this: riding the bus sucks. It’s crowded, it’s probably taking you somewhere you don’t want to go (i.e. your terrible job), and the best bus you can even think of is for little kids. But there’s one positive: you can make yourself look totally rad if you unleash the perfect exit line. Do any of the following, and everyone on that bus will know who’s boss.
Spell out “Please stop” in vape smoke.
Announce, “Is this bus stop my girlfriend? Cause I’m getting off
here!” Exit in a wave of high fives.
Do it in a fun rap that also touches on fire safety.
Pretend you’re Keanu Reeves and tell the driver that the bus needs to
go at 0 mph or a bomb will explode.
Raise your hand and say “Uh … Check please.”
Flick a quarter at the stop request button.
Apply to become a bus driver. Practice driving. Ace the interview. Get
accepted. Drive a route for many years. Then ask if it’s alright with
everyone if you can stop. Make them think they’re in control.
Fire your gun into the air.
When you’re almost at your stop, light up a cigarette, saunter up to
the bus driver, and he’ll kick you off.
Pull the cord and shout “STOP THE CHOO CHOO!”
Lambast the bus driver’s abilities to adequately drive the bus while
wearing a “MAKE THIS BUS STOP AGAIN” hat driving everyone into a
hate-filled populist frenzy. Get off at your stop then watch the bus
tear itself apart.