With minimal training, these tweets can be taught to say almost anything.
The African Grey parrot is known for its uncanny ability to mimic human speech, but you'll still be surprised when it testifies against you.— (((guterman))) (@danguterman) December 5, 2014
Me: Did Gary come over earlier?— josh (@ruinedpicnic) August 6, 2015
Wife: Uhh yeah
Parrot: Oh yeah Gary, fuck me!
[looks at wife]
Me: My god... Gary fucked our parrot
My parrot died today. Its last words were, "Fuck, I think my parrot is about to die."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 13, 2016
Girl: Therapy pets don't work— It's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) October 19, 2016
Parrot: How's that make u feel?
P: How's that make u feel?
G: Abandoned *weeps*
G: OMG better
"what the hell happened to that guy?" - first person to meet a parrot— Matt Donaher (@mattdonaher) April 12, 2016
Boss: We need to talk— Captain Antagonist (@AnOrangeSNES) February 17, 2016
Me: I DON'T COMMAND AN ANIMAL ARMY TO OVERTHROW YOU
Me: Haha who let the parrot in?
cops: we believe you stole a parrot and wanna take a look around your house— brent (@murrman5) January 24, 2015
me: got a warrant?
my dishwasher: we believe you stole a parr
My parrot: Pretty bird! Pretty bird!— Daniel "Kibblesmith" (@kibblesmith) December 12, 2016
Friend: Oh wow, did you teach him that?
Me: What no Why would I want to talk to that egomaniac
DATE: I don't think it's going to work out— Michael (@Home_Halfway) April 18, 2016
ME: *pauses from putting my tongue through her parrot's cage* Why what's up baby
I bet the first person to teach a parrot to talk was like wow this is so much easier than the fish— dan mentos (@DanMentos) May 10, 2015
hearing trump repeatedly call multiple things and people "nice" or "smart" on 60 minutes has led me to believe he has a parrot's vocabulary— Churlish (@Cryptoterra) November 14, 2016
"I cannot tell a lie" - George Washington's parrot— Megan Amram (@meganamram) November 21, 2015
[The parrot from Aladdin, Iago, finally gets up the nerve to talk to his crush]— Achilles Stamatelaky (@astamate) October 29, 2015
"I've been admiring you from Jafar."
The easiest name to imagine a parrot saying is probably Mariska Hargitay— Joe R (@Randazzoj) January 9, 2017
ME: Is this parrot friendly with kids?— Elle Oh Hell (@ElleOhHell) June 16, 2015
PET STORE EMPLOYEE: loves kids
PARROT: AAWK, HELP IT'S PECKING MY EYES OUT AAWK
PSE: big liar though
Tour guide: so this is the ocean, it's water that goes for a long time. Uh. That's a seagull, which is a parrot that can captain ships— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) August 19, 2015
You can't tell by the clothes I wear but I draw parrots. If you saw me on the street you'd say ain't no way this guy can draw even 1 parrot.— Olly Domino (@Chumpstring) November 18, 2016
I can't tonight. I've been having massive parrot attacks.— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) November 18, 2015
You mean panic attacks?
Parrot: SQUAWK everyone's doing better than you SQUAWK
To clear the air: I didn't get kicked out of the pet shop for telling a bird to 'suck my dick.' I was trying to teach the parrot to say it.— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) April 6, 2016
As long as there are parrot cages, print media will survive— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 18, 2016
If I had a parrot I would only teach it to talk about 9/11 and it's name would be "The Truth"— Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) September 30, 2016
This whole time I thought we were saying Planned Parrot-hood and I was like where do I sign up.— Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux) November 20, 2015
[holding my nephew]— David Hughes (@david8hughes) December 26, 2016
Me: who's a pretty boy?
Wife: he's not a parrot
Me [gently tosses him in the air & watches as he hits the ground]: right