Written by: Kaitlyn Blansett
With all the latest gossip and bossip going on in this age of the 15th year of the 21st century it has become almost impossible to keep up with the times. This article bestows on you knowledge you need to prepare yourself for the hottest and tottest new app recently available for download.
Sure, you could become addicted to the blasé world of Trivia Crack, you could even download the new Esurance app to ensure the safety of your most beloved possessions and people, but why do that when you could literally LYAO (Laugh Your Ass Off) while staying updated and informed on society’s most pesky mistress: the weather.
Here are the only five words you need to learn today:
Weather. App. That. Tells. Jokes.
The volatile state of the Mother Nature who daily nurtures you in her fertile womb as you proceed through your short, insignificant, mortal life. To ignore her is to ignore the eternality of time. To cherish her is to be content. To love her is relish the short, sweet time spent with her. To love her too much is oedipal.
Short for Application, stemming from the Latin root “appitus” which means to have a carnal, irrevocable need for something or someone or some weather app. The latter part of the word “lication” refers to bleeding ulcers in the stomach, prominent in consumers of the latest technology who have not yet accessed the most innovative and reality-bending apps.
Pronoun which refers to a noun. Which noun, you ask? What other noun could it be? That noun is the weather app.
This word refers to two actions. The media in which the weather app relays its jokes to you, but more importantly the manner in which you convey your excitement for this brand you app to your friends. See Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart” for more info about the consequences of not downloading this app.
Let’s cut to the chase. You like to laugh. The weather app likes to make you laugh. Why can’t we keep this simple? Test her out, take her out to a nice restaurant and spend some quality time with her. Oh, what’s wrong? Did you finally find the love of your life? Was the app too perfect for you? Did she make you feel inferior because she is funny and useful while you are neither? Stop making this about you. It’s about the weather app today.
Standard. Simple. Revolutionary. Questionable. Necessary. Exclusive. All these words also pertain to this technological piece of comedic genius.