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January 14, 2013

More random thoughts from the great mind of Joshua Proctor




  I am now convince that people that read horoscopes must be the dumbest people on earth. I mean anyone who would even think that someone could tell how their day is going to be today by the month you were born can't be very smart. They are so vague that anything they say will probably be right in someway. "Today will not be the best but it won't be the worst." Somebody would read that and be like "Oh wow my today wasn't the best my mother died today however I did find that dime on the ground on my way in today so it is also not the worst. WOW THAT IS CRAZY!" I swear the best job in the world if you can get it must be getting paid to write this crap. "Hey Steve do you got today horoscopes for today's paper?" "Yea here you go take this box of fortune cookies and I will see you next year."

  Then you got Nostradamus. This asshole is still tricking people hundreds of years later. I just love the fact it is always after the fact. Like after 9-11 people went back and saw what he wrote. "One day a building will be on fire" "OMG!!!! HE SAW IT COMING!!" I feel like if anyone is that dumb to believe this trash then it should be someone's job to read all of his "predictions" everyday. So we can stop anything bad from happening. "ok people Damus said a great man will fall so make sure we are watching all great men today and be sure to be on the look out for any giant birds cause he seemed to talk about them a lot." How great would it be if his predictions could be used like the almanac from Back to the Future. "There will be a great fight with hundreds of men. Fire and theft will take over a town for hours." "HOLY SHIT HE GOT THE LAKERS WINNING IT ALL THIS YEAR!!!"

  When I was a kid I loved superheros. But the only one I never got into was Superman. First off he seems to have be made by a kid during a fight. "Ok my man shoots your guy" "NOPE! He is made out of steel!" "Ok my guy jumps on a plane and gets away." "NOPE! My guy can fly and he is fast as a bullet!" "Fine....my guy hides in a building" "NOPE! My guy can see through walls oh and he got heat ray eyes and he can freeze you with his breath!!!" "Ok....I don't want to play anymore..." His whole storyline doesn't really make any sense. His only weakness is kryptonite. That is the only thing on earth that can hurt him and it from space however every bad guy in Metropolis seems to be able to get their hands on it anytime they want it. Do they sell it at their K-Marts there or something? "Oh and for those of you thinking about trying to blow-up the world this weekend we will be having a blue light special on kryptonite for the next 15mins." The fact that Metropolis still has any crime makes 0 sense. There is only one man that is super and he picked crime fighter as his job. Pick any other city in the world you idiots! "Ok where should we build our evil empire? New York? Nah. Los Angeles? No thanks. How about Metropolis?!"

  Now Batman is almost the opposite of Superman. The fact that there isn't more crime in Gotham City doesn't make sense. Cause to me the whole Batman system seems broken to me. First someone needs to see a crime,then they got to call the police,the police then turns on the Bat signal and waits,once Batman sees the signal he makes his way to the police,when he gets there the police tells Batman where the crime is,Batman arrives where the crime took place 48mins later where the person who did the crime was nice enough to wait for him. Being on the Gotham City police force must be the best job ever. They only need about 5 guys at the most. "Hello G.C.P.D. YOU AGAIN? Listen sir I told you Batman will get there when he gets there ok?! I mean we turned that light thing on. Other then that I don't know what else you want us to do? Yes I know your father was shot and I am really sorry but The Jersey Shore is coming back on so I will give him the message when he gets back ok bye."

No Firearms:

  I really enjoy walking into a bank and seeing the "No Firearms" signs. I guess I really like the whole idea behind it. Do they really think that sign is ever going to stop a crime from happening? "Ok are we ready to rob this bank?......hold on a sec....what is this sign? NO FIREARMS!? How do they expect people to rob their bank with no firearms!?......I didn't see this coming ok lets think this over." It would be like if you were being chase by the cops and you stopped at every stop sign. "HEY!!! YOU JUST WENT THROUGH A STOP SIGN! Listen if they catch us we will get life in jail or even the the chair but I don't want a $45 fine on top of that."

Child Abduction Alert:

  I really can't stand those child abduction alerts when I am watching tv. I mean they know I am home so what do they want me to do? I can look out my window and check my front and back yards but other then that I am out of ideas. I never seen anyone get dress and leave "Hey Joe where are you off to?" "DID YOU NOT SEE?! THAT KID IS MISSING?!" If they really wanted me to help them they shouldn't put that crap on my tv while I am trying to watch The Office.  But the worst part is that they kept showing the picture of the kid on tv and they make me explain to my new friend why they kept showing his picture on tv. JERKS........