Take Your Child To Work Day took place this week, and all across the country, kids of all ages were disillusioned by the reality of who their fathers really are. Here are eight youngsters who will never look at their dads the same way again:


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Dakota, 4 & Dylan, 6

DYLAN: “I used to think Daddy was the strongest man in the whole world, but then this fat man with bad breath yelled at him about spreadsheets or something.”

DAKOTA: “His head drooped down and his shoulders got real droopy, too. He tried to hug me later, but I didn’t let him because he makes me sad now.”


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Rory, 12

RORY: “My dad’s a CPA at this big firm. It only took him about 10 minutes to explain his job to me. But he has a guitar in his office, so he picked it up and played this really sad Joni Mitchell song — I think it was about regret. Then one of the other accountants came over and told him to knock it off.”


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Lisa, 5

LISA: “My daddy kept saying things like, ‘And now I’m going to make some copies so I can pay for your piano lessons’ and ‘Daddy’s going to send some emails so you can keep wearing those fancy shoes.’ I was gonna ask him to buy me a soda at lunchtime, but I was scared he’d get mad.”


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Susan, 9

SUSAN: “My dad said we were going to his office, but then we just drove around for a little while until he parked the car in front of the library. He said, ‘Don’t tell your mom this is where I go every day’ and then he cried. Later, we split the sandwich Mom packed for him.”


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Erik, 7

ERIK: “My daddy is a policeman. I don’t really want to talk about what I saw him do today.”


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Michelle, 11

MICHELLE: “My dad owns a little coffee shop. I was working with him behind the counter and a woman asked him if the coffee beans he used were Fair Trade; he was very rude to her and said, ‘Of course they’re Fair Trade, what does this look like, Starbucks?!’ Then he turned up this Kurt Vile song way too loud until a customer complained. He wears a Thrasher Magazine bucket hat because he’s going bald.”


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Carlos, 14

CARLOS: “I’ve been wanting to tell my dad that I’m gay for a while, and for some reason, today seemed like the right day. So, while I was helping him fill an order in the warehouse, I turned to him and said, ‘Dad, I’m gay.’ But he said, ‘Carlos, I’m gay’ at the exact same time, so it was this really, really weird moment — neither of us said anything for a long time. You think we would have connected over this, but it’s like, I just found out my dad has been living a complete lie for more than 40 years. So it’s not really the same thing. I feel more distant from him than ever.”


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