Firstly, let me say thanks to the folks at FOD for having me as guest blogger this week. In these trying times, I assure you I will not take this lightly. I am ready, willing, and able to defend my comedic honor (if I have any) in the event of martial law. You should know that I am blogging in my camo pants and nothing else. My neighbors just closed the blinds and my dog won't sit next to me. To hell with them all, I have a blog to write:
I need a little help. It's 9pm and I haven't moved all day. Today was a rough one and I am absolutely starving right now but I am refusing to pry myself away from my computer. I can't stop reading about the Election. I am addicted. I have read some things twice, but today things took a dark turn.
Basically I woke up at 9:30 and decided to "Check" the Huffington Post and 5 hours later, my search spiraled into stories about conspiracy theories, the Illuminati and martial law. I managed to peak my head out of the "Conspiracy spiral" by watching that lady fall down the trap door, but that was it, that was the end of my pleasure. Then it was back to Dick Cheney and Friends. Then 3 hours later, I found myself in the fetal position, drinking a white whine spritzer (yes, I am a gay man.) looking off my balcony and wondering when the end is coming. I fake cried so my dog would come over to me, but it didn't work. In the past 12 hours I have watched four 9/11 conspiracy theory videos, each an hour long. I got an emergency bag together that has my passport, my favorite knit hat and a be be gun in it. And then, I started planning a secret anne frank room, only this time there will be more than a bulletin board with postcards on it. Oh Anne, what were you thinking? My Anne frank room is going to have a snack corner, bongos, paintball guns, a globe to remember the way things used to be, hair product, tap shoes (so I can teach myself) a pasta station, a make-out corner, a sleeping corner (for lamo's!) all kinds of props for the comedy show that me and no one else will put up, a picture of our savior, Angelina, she'd save us, a video camera so I can document the funny things that happen in the dirt hole, maybe a blanket or two and some basic provisions but I want this to be a Sick Anne Frank Room --- with color and a cool vibe. I would love there to be enough room for me to rollar-skate but that remains to be seen. I am still working on it but plan on going well into the night and by tomorrow, if I am not "blogging" you know where I will be. Here's my insensitive dog:
And to think, I thought if he made only $50K a year I would have married him.