Dr. Walter Palmer’s Dental Assistant Tells All
“I thought this was going to be an interview about my new floss line, Flossy.”
The following is a transcript of a taped interview conducted on Wednesday, August 5th with Sharon Jones of Dr. Walter Palmer’s River Bluff Dental practice.
Reporter: On tonight’s episode of 50 Minutes, I’m joined by Dr. Walter Palmer’s dental assistant, Sharon Jones. Thanks for being here tonight, Sharon.
Sharon: Thank you for having me.
Reporter: How long have you worked for Dr. Walter Palmer?
Sharon: Well, this coming Monday, it will be 5 blissful years, 3 sweet weeks and uh *counts on fingers* 3 lovely hours.
Reporter: How would you describe him as a boss?
Sharon: The smartest man I’ve ever met. In all this “slaughtered” talk, no one has even mentioned his tireless efforts to reduce gingivitis in Bloomington or his love of early 2000’s hip hop. Did you know that he formed a tribute band called The Roots (Canals)?
Reporter: Did you know about his affinity for hunting?
Sharon: I knew he was a well-rounded man, yes. I knew he was a renaissance man of sorts. A man of countless talents. A man-
Reporter: That’s enough, thank you.
Sharon: A man not afraid of the more dangerous-
Reporter: Sharon, we’re good.
Sharon: My apologies.
Reporter: In 2014, you published the following poston Facebook: “I love my job!!!!! Dr. Walter Palmer is like a father to me. Yes,I may just be his dentist assistant by day. But, at night, I am his life assistant.” Then, there seems to be about 20 different emoji’s, including a lion. Did you know anything about, or assist in any way, the murdering of Cecil the Lion?
Sharon: Walter is the most empathetic man I know.He gave me a job right out of dentistry school when I didn’t know where I would end up.
Reporter: Did you know anything about, or assist in any way, the murdering of Cecil the Lion?
Sharon: I thought this was going to be an interview about my new floss line, Flossy.
Reporter: Sharon, did you help Dr. Walter Palmer commit murder?
Sharon: DR. WALTER PALMER DID NOT COMMIT MURDER *quietly sobs.* He followed his hobby with the same love and success that he applies to all his projects.
Reporter: Can you give us any information about Dr.Walter Palmer?
Sharon: *Hiccups* He is a Gemini, likes the red Starbursts-
Reporter: Not what we are looking for. Cut to commercial break. *Muffles microphone*. Cut this whole segment.
Sharon: His favorite season is Spring, he cries at the movie “Up,” you know that scene where…
Reporter: Cut her mic, damnit.
The segment never aired.