My Letter to FOD

LAGOS, NIGERIA.

ATTENTION: THE FOD TEAM

DEAR SIRS AND MADAMS,

CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL

HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE NIGERIAN CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND NUDE NATIVE DANCES , I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF $47,500,000.00 (FORTY SEVEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS. THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED PARTY PONTOON RENTAL DOWN THE NIGER DELTA, EXECUTED COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS (5) AGO BY THE INTOXICATED GENTLEMEN WITH THE CHECKBOOK. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APEX BANK, THE ONE DOWNTOWN ACROSS FROM THE STARBUCKS.

WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE FUND OVERSEAS, OR THROUGH THE AIR, AND THAT IS WHERE YOU ALL COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT AS A CIVIL SERVANT, I AM FORBIDDEN TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT, OR COME WITHING TWO MILES OF A PUBLIC PARK; THAT IS WHY I REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 70% FOR ME, 25% FOR YOU AND 5% FOR JERRY'S KIDS, HE WORKS IN I.T. AND IS GOING TO SEE THIS E-MAIL. HEY JERRY.

THE TRANSFER IS, UNLIKE SLEEPING WITH A PROSTITUTE, RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN INTERNATIONAL PETROLEUM PRODUCING YEOMEN (NIPPY). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTS:

(A) YOUR BANKER'S NAME, TELEPHONE, ACCOUNT AND FAX NUMBERS.

(B) YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS -- FOR CONFIDENTIALITY, EASY COMMUNICATION, AND LATE NIGHT DRUNK DIALS, WHICH WILL ACTUALLY BE AROUND MID DAY FOR YOU.

(C) YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER STAMPED AND SIGNED.

(D) A PICTURE OF WILL FERREL IN THE BUFF

ALTERNATIVELY WE WILL FURNISH YOU WITH THE TEXT OF WHAT TO TYPE INTO YOUR FANCY-SCHMANCY LETTER-HEADED PAPER, ALONG WITH A BREAKDOWN EXPLAINING, COMPREHENSIVELY WHAT WE REQUIRE OF YOU. THE BUSINESS WILL TAKE ME THIRTY (30) WORKING DAYS TO ACCOMPLISH. I ONLY WORK WEEKENDS SO THAT'S ABOUT 3 MONTHS, OH AND EVERY THIRD WEEKEND I KEEP THE KIDS. THAT'LL ADD ANOTHER MONTH. ALSO I DO GOLF OCCASIONALLY. I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL OR ANYTHING BUT SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO PLAY A LITTLE GOLF TO GET AHEAD IN THIS WORLD. IN THE END WE'RE LOOKING AT A SOLID 6 MONTHS, UNLESS IT DURING THE RAINY SEASON IN WHICH ALL BETS ARE OFF AND I'LL GET TO IT WHEN I GET TO IT.


PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY.

BEST REGARDS,

Random White Guy