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February 25, 2013

"My First Words" set to hit stores April 1st

Blue Ivy, the one year old daughter of musical supercouple Jay-Z & Beyonce, is set to release her debut album My First Words”  this Friday. According to sources, the album is enriched with stories of Ivy’s most meaningful life experiences, which can be seen in her sensitive singles “My First Steps” and “Pooped My Diaper (feat. Jimmy Buffett).” As one would expect, Ivy’s album features Beyonce in the song “I Love My Mommy ” and Jay-Z in the song “Who’s my Daddy?? [Explicit Version].”

“I can’t wait to hear Blue Ivy’s new album! Personally, I think she’s better than Beyonce. Her voice is the only thing that gets me through the day,” exclaimed enthusiastic groupie Cal Moreno. Ivys tour bus is being followed by obsessed fans such as Moreno, but its not all love. Like any rising pop star, its only natural for Ivy to face haters, who want to destroy her reputation and musical career in any way possible. “Her parents raised her in a home so wealthy, that she is over prepared and will screw up all her vocals,” said critic Kent Heckel. The one year old has been called “illiterate” and “lacking in vocabulary” by some of her most insensible haters.

The My First Words Tour passes through the Verizon Center this June, but tickets were immediately sold out roughly two years ago when the press discovered that Ivy was being conceived.

Word has just reached us that Kanye West's baby is currently recording his or hers first reality television show inside Kim Kardashian's stomach.