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Stats & Data

February 07, 2011

Satirical News Commentary

Commentary reprinted with permission from thecaucusrace.com

The AFP has just reported that 98.83 of the Southern Sudan population has voted to secede.  This is good news. But, my south Sudan friends, it is not good enough!! Only 98.83 percent of you want to seceed? Huh? That should be 110 percent of you Southern Sudanese. Where I come from secess is the ONLY option. We don't even vote on it, we just do it! You give 110 percent. No if, ands, or buts. And if you fail, you NEVER admit it. I would like to meet the 1.17 percent of south Sudanese who voted against secess. Just give me five minutes with you. I would be in your face so fast… 110 percent - You hear me? No never mind, I don’t even want to see your faces. You disgust me. Southern Sudan will never be a secess until all 100 PERCENT of you are on board and get with the program.

Hold on here. Wait just a second…  My editor has just sent me a note. And a dictionary link. Um, Readers, let me get back to you on this one…