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192
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August 07, 2008
Published
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Squirrels love nuts. They really love it. They love cock, too. That's why they always hang around KFC giving out blowjobs at two in the morning.

If your ever in a pinch, two squirrels can make a fine substitute for nunchuks.

Never, ever, EVER, give a squirrel change. They'll just use it to buy more crack. That's why they're so hyper. And cute.

Once, I saw at least a dozen squirrels attack a whole bunch of preschool children. Unfortunately, I didn't own a video camera, so I couldn't get it on tape. Christmas is coming, just saying...I heard Will Ferrell has a lot of money.

Squirrels aren't native to America. They were captured in Africa and transported here as slaves. Then it was discovered that was a mistake.

Originally, Girls Gone Wild was filmed by setting squirrels in a building full of drunk college girls, and setting the building on fire. They stopped setting buildings on fire.

Squirrels killed my parents. I'm gonna kill all those fuckers...

To kill a squirrel, you need to drive a stake through its heart, and cut off its head. Either a squirrel or a My Little Pony doll.

Hold on I'll find out.............

 

SHIT!! THE STAKE DOES NOTHING!!!!!

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