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January 06, 2009


    I have noticed that some of the funniest lines and stories come from the Men's room at any sporting event but Chicago Events have been the best. Anyone who has been to a Cubs game knows that the bathrooms suck and you wait in line to piss in a trough like cattle. Around the 5th innings it will start to get interesting with more people breaking the seal and coming in with a good buzz. You get a few different types that come in...     
    The hipster that doesn't even know who is on the field, you know who I am talking about, the guy with designer jeans and a button down shirt with frosted highlighted tips in his hair. You will see him after the game at the bar drunk off his ass ordering a fucking Red Bull. These guys are funny because they talk extremely loud and most likely talk about trying to bang some chick later but he is going to pass out anyway.

    Then you have the economically disadvantaged, they are in the really old team shirts, most likely with a Big Bud Light logo somewhere because they were one of the first 10,000 fans 15 years ago. These guys you can find smoking in the corner with an old style and look like they might Shank you if you look directly at them. They are also some of your most colorful people when it comes to insulting the other teams fan. Ex. I was at the Winter Classic last week and one of them was hammered and talking about taking a piss and this and that, than decided to tell the whole restroom that the Detroit Fans after the game will put on some Deer Piss to hit the bars and pick up women. Now I have to admit it was funny at the time because I was drunk too but these guys can come up with some creative shit... seriously Deer Piss!

    Another type that you will see is the die hard fan, they got all the shit on. Team hat, shirt, scorecard and pen, buttons, a radio and headphones, maybe a team leather jacket that looks worst than a Planet Hollywood jacket but he thinks is Fucking Awesome. These guys get freaked out by the above two parties and are usually waiting for a stall because they get stage fright and are uncomfortable in social situations. These guys are in and out fast.

    Finally you have the Father and his kid. These guys are funny because they are drinking Beer for sure but can't join in on the banter with the other people in there. His kid will look up at him when someone yells out that the Brewers are pussies and their women are fat and ugly or some other really funny shit usually with a lot of f-bombs. The Dad tries not to laugh but gives a laugh when the kid isn't looking. They pretend not to hear the shit that is said but trust me when he gets back to his seat he is telling his buddy about it. 

    Well by now you either think I am a bathroom worker or gay and like to spend time in the Mens room but rather I am just an observant person. Not only is going to the bathroom at a game relieving but it is an adventure in comedy. I am sure everyone reading this has at least stolen one joke they heard in the pisser... come on now... and how many funny stories start with: You should have heard what was said in the bathroom. So the next time you go to piss at your next game, keep your ears open and remember never take a shit at a game.