So it appears Yahoo decided to disable their message board services following the weekend. Assholes. That will not stop us from giving the people what they want. The fact that I'm even posting this should be evidence that I won my matchup. And boy did I need that in the worst way, seeing that my Chicago ßears got fuckin' Tebowed this Sunday.
I hate myself for using that word just now. But can you imagine how much calmer of a quarterback Tebow will be once he gets married and starts getting some ass? It's gonna be scary folks. Anyway, the quarters are all wrapped up and it's time for the semis. Let's have a look at the quarterfinal results.
Professional Blues = me (Fox)
my ninjas = black
Jack D Rocks = brown
Legion of Doom = blue
RamRods = red
Bastard Mutants = orange
T. Green? = green
AK-47 = Adam (only met him a few times and have no idea what his last name is)
CANT WAIT = turquoise
Bruce Blingstein = gray (*automatic win*)
FaNasty News Wrap-Up (Quarterfinals)
(3) Professional Blues-W v. (6) RamRods-L (PB: 181pts. - RR: 131pts.)
In what was building up to be a highly entertaining bloodbath between two sworn enemies, the matchup between Fox's third ranked Professional Blues and J*** C******'s sixth ranked RamRods turned out just to be an old fashioned ass whooping. Last week, C****** claimed to have lost his regular season matchup to Fox a couple months ago only so he could upset him in the playoffs. Does getting your ass kicked by 50 points validate such a claim? Absolutely not, couldn't be any further from validation.
Fox's PB Squad got exactly what they wanted, huge games from their top draft picks. Running back Maurice Jones-Drew and wide receiver Marques Colston combined for over 60 points, with the former star racking up four total touchdowns and 40 FUCKING POINTS. Top IDP draft pick Terrell Suggs snapped on Sunday and showed he's ready for a championship run, while newly acquired running back Reggie Bush cemented his starting role over Darren Sproles and Ryan Mathews (why only one "t" though?) for next week's semifinals. The only concerns for Fox and the P Blues next week should be at the quarterback and tight end positions, but we're sure they will address those sooner than later.
As for C******'s RamRods, the concerns over the weekend were plenty. C****** was probably hoping that wide receiver Malcom Floyd (on the same team as Fox's wideout Vincent Jackson) would steal some of the production from PB Squad stud receiver Jackson, but that was not the case. He was also probably hoping that wide receiver Greg Jennings would play great and stay healthy. Jennings did neither. In a nutshell, the RamRods simply didn't have enough weapons to compete with a star-studded playoff-ready team like the Professional Blues. League officials were considering replacing the RamRods with Adam's AK-47 team as the sixth playoff seed for competitive entertainment purposes, but decided to hold off in light of the Fox-C****** rivalry. Fox told C****** that they didn't even belong in the same league, and this weekend he proved it.
*S** C*******'s Prediction:
•Any team with non-pussy-getting quarterback Rex Grossman is fucked.
-Rex Grossman plays for the RamRods. Correct you were, S**.
(5) T. Green?-W v. (4) CANT WAIT-L (TG?: 203pts. - CW: 183pts.)
On paper, this was the quarterfinals matchup that was going to come down to the end. By Sunday evening, however, it was pretty clear who was going to win this matchup. One team had pretty much all of their players show up to play, while the other team suffered due to injuries and came up just short. Both owners were worried about the states of their teams heading into the playoffs, yet both teams put up big numbers. At the end of the day, it came down to T. Green? having more players with big time games that nabbed them the quarterfinal victory.
Running back LeSean McCoy showed the league why he was selected as a finalist for the top fantasy player FaNty with yet another big weekend. T. Green?, a team not well-known for it's defense, even received a combined 30 points from two IDPs. And then there was Rob "Motherfuckin'" Gronkowski. The all-world tight end was at it again, shitting all over the defense whenever the fuck he pleased. McCoy and Gronkowski willed T** P******'s T. Green? club to victory this weekend.
E***** S******'s CANT WAIT team says goodbye to the postseason quite prematurely if you ask us. We aren't saying we were rooting for them (FN is strictly impartial), we just really thought this was a team that was going to make some noise in the postseason. And they sure tried, but the knee injury to star running back Matt Forte was too much of a burden. Running back Rashard "Rush Hard" Mendenhall sucked ass, and perennial tight end Jimmy "Give Me Your Fucking Lunch Money" Graham had a surprisingly quiet day. And on a day when you're going up against the Gronkowskis and McCoys of the league, quiet days won't cut it. We think they still put up one hell of a fight considering the loss of Forte, but the Gronkowski and McCoy lopsided individual victories over Graham and Mendenhall, respectively, will be sending S****** and his CANT WAIT bunch home for the holidays.
*S** C*******'s Prediction:
•Expected big numbers from running back LeSean McCoy and quarterback Phillip Rivers. Also expected low output from most of CANT WAIT, excluding tight end Jimmy Graham.
-We'll give him half-credit here. Still very impressed that he went 2-0 with his picks considering how scrambled his brain is.
PLAYOFFS - SEMIFINALS
The remaining four team owners are all FaNasty originals, so we couldn't have asked for better semifinal matchups. We will be meeting with all four owners this week as well as S** C******* to get their thoughts on a big upcoming weekend. This shit is going to be B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
(5) T. Green? v. (1) Bastard Mutants
(3) Professional Blues v. (2) Legion of Doom