This was inspired by the New York Times article Hindu Group Stirs a Debate Over Yoga's Soul. Yep, some Hindus think there isn't enough Sky Fairyism in modern day yoga.
The Jewish Deli Defense League (JDDL)
TAKE BACK OUR CULTURE!
It is clear that Americans love their delicatessens. However, it is equally clear that Judaism has lost control of the local deli. Numerous sins have been committed in local eateries. One of the most notorious are pastrami on rye sandwiches lathered in mayonnaise - read this from Exodus 1:1-2
And lo! An Egyptian handed Moses a pastrami on rye with mayonnaise. Moses sayeth, "What the f*ck is this? We have got to get outta here."
In response to this crisis the JDDL is creating the Campaign to Restore Judeo-Deli Awareness.
- Patrons will be given a TSA-style pat down to ensure that non-approved condiments are not smuggled in (yes, we are looking at you, salsa).
- Sandwiches will be renamed one of the 613 mitzvot (commandments). A tasty tongue sandwich will be renamed To keep a Canaanite slave forever (#199).
- Owners or patrons deviating from the JDDL's Guide to Delicatessens will suffer the traditional Mosaic punishment - getting stoned to death. On the plus side those on death row will be given a To keep a Canaanite slave forever sandwich.