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July 17, 2017
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That thing can fit, like, two 30 racks if you pack it right...

This week, the news that a trillion ton iceberg had broken off of an ice shelf in Antarctica gave a lot of us chills. Nothing ruins your weekend at the beach like the thought of rapidly rising sea levels, right?!

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This iceberg is a giant summer bummer!

Thankfully, one man is trying to make sure that this ice berg doesn’t turn into a major headache… or should we say brain freeze?!

Meet Chris Saddler. He’s a 39 year-old sales manager and avid beach-goer from Pensacola, Florida.

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Chris in his natural habitat.

So what’s Chris’ cool new idea to help stave of the ravaging effects of global warming?

Chris says that we can put that giant iceberg in his Yeti cooler if we want!

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The Yeti! (A shit-ton of ice-cold brews not pictured.)

“This thing is un-fucking-believeable,” says Chris of his Hopper Two, the largest soft-sided model from the cooler maker that has a devoted following amongst outdoorsman. “My buddy gave it to as a groomsmen’s gift last year and at first I was like ‘the fuck do I want a cooler for?’, but now I literally bring this fucker fucking everywhere.”

But does Chris really think that a cooler can preserve an iceberg for the decades it will take for humans to create and then implement the clean technologies that might slow the heating of our planet?

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These lazy-ass wind turbines better start turning if Chris is ever gonna get his Yeti back.

“Hell fucking yeah,” says Chris. “I brought it camping this one time when I did a real nasty batch of ‘shrooms. I totally freaked my gourd. I thought I was following this shaman through the woods, but it ended up being a very mean skunk. Anyway, when I finally made it back to camp a week later my Yeti was still ice fucking cold.”

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Nice try, Mr. Skunk! But even your “vision quest” can’t outlast the Yeti!

“And beer is, like, water,” added Chris. “So if if this shit was, like, totally full of ice, I bet it could last forever. Just nobody open it too much, OK? Like, if you gotta get in there for a sandwich or something, just make it quick”

And is Chris worried that the Delaware-sized ice pack might not fit in his Yeti?

“This fucker can hold, like, two 30 racks if you pack it right,” he said. “We might need to break it up a little at first. Is that cool?”

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The road where Chris said he would bring the ice berg to “smash that fucker up if I needed to.”

Chris’ offer might seem too good to be true, but that doesn’t mean the whole process has been smooth as ice.

“Oh shit,” Chris blurted in the middle of our interview. “I think I still got some IPAs in there from when me and my girl when kayaking.”

But thanks to some quick thinking, things could move head as planned.

“That’s cool,” Chris decided. “I’ll kill those before we go.”

And does Chris regret ever sacrificing his Yeti for the greater good?

“Not really,” Chris shrugged. “I told Carson I’d bring it on our fishing trip in Galveston next month, so he’s gonna be pretty pissed. But that fucker owes me, like, $300 from a bachelor party in Nashville, so he can fuck off.”

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Fuck off, Carson!

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