Full Credits

Stats & Data

April 16, 2009


Can't take credit for this. Received the text in an e-mail. But, reading the details there is much truth in all of this.

Welcome to Rural

Just in Time for
Summer Vacation



up City Slickers!



1.     Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.


2.     Turn your cap straight, your head isn't crooked.


3.     Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive,
you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get the hell out of the


4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny
to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like
it? Hwy 7 & 401 goes east and west, Hwy 15&416 goes north
and south. Pick one.


5.   So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000
combines and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a

  So every person in rural Ontario waves. It's called 'being friendly. Try to
understand the concept.


7.  If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are
coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.


8. Yeah, we eat meat and potatoes. You really want sushi&caviar? It's
available at the corner bait shop.


9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer hunting season. It's
a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of


10.   We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless
of age.


11.  There's little for 'vegetarians' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order
the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham&turkey.


12.   When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and
breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.


13.  You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over


14.  You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how
to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

  Ontario Hockey League and Minor Hockey is as important here as the Maple Leafs and the Montreal Habs, and more fun to watch.


16.  Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.


17.  Colleges? We have them all over. We have Universities and Community Colleges. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.


18.  We have a whole ton of folks in the Armed Forces. So don't mess
with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.


19.  Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music,
anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see
your boxers. (Refer back to #1).


20.  TWO inches of snow & ice isn't a blizzard - it's a vacation.
Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread,
milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst
case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The
pickups with snow blades and tractors with snow blowers will have
you out the next day.