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April 15, 2017

All the jokes I have written this week.

  • Email: Kellybrotman@gmail.com
  • Date: 03-15-2017
  • Due to Bankruptcy the shoe store Payless is shutting down four hundred stores across the country, now lets find a new store change that is cheap and offers shoes for half the regular store price, can we say Marshalls anyone?
  • A twitter user’s dog gets miniature versions of his owner’s dinner meals every night, he forgot to mention the miniature cocktail the dogs begs for each after meal delight.
  • Today Burger King released a new milkshake flavor that combines Fruit Loops in the shake. Burger King is now the new Yogurtland competitors. Now Yogurtland might add French Fries as a topper. Yum…
  • On twitter there is this guy who wants a whole year’s worth of chicken nuggets from @Wendys, in order to succeed he needs 18m retweets. Can we say he’s single everyone?
  • A man was forced out of his seat at an overbooked flight on United. If asked if he was going to sue, he replied he likes it rather rough than calm.
  • They’re serving fried grasshoppers at the stadium in Seattle. Be sure to hop on down there and let the crickets jump in elsewhere they started serving fried salmon at the Chicago cubs stadium, fans they did not attract however. ( Cut to a photoshopped photo of the Chicago stadium filled with bears.)
  • .According to NPR, Google is accused of under paying women in their company, Google now has to change their name to Nasty Women rule!
  • Janet Jackson just left her third millionaire husband after giving birth at age fifty. Cut to 20 years later where she leaves her 5th husband.
  • Kenya West has a new jewelry line out that is crazy expensive! He plans to use the all unsold jewelry to decorate his recording studio, Gold on!
  • Today is national Grilled Cheese Day. Let the cheesy jokes commerce!
  • In celebration of 20 years The 90’s well loved digital pet is coming back! Tomagotchi is now at he age where it is will be in college and discovering downfalls of alcohol.
  • There’s a new lollipop that looks like Donald Trump. It’s proceeds go to Planned Parenthood, to retaliate Trumps stops eating candy.
  • A total of 13 health violations was at Trump’s restaurant in FL before the Chinese president was there he thankfully had went to McDonalds beforehand.
  • In celebration of 20 years The 90’s well loved digital pet is coming back! Tomagotchi is now college age learns about beer and the hungover.
  • The White House is having trouble organizing the annual Easter egg hunt. Mike Pence will be the Easter Bunny. Trump will play Humpy Dumpy.
  • In England there is a British food delivery called Deliverco that has Cadbury Eggs on it called Florentina, stoners will know it a Pizza Heaven. Willy Nelson was their first customer.
  • Scientists in London have figured out how to get water in edible bubbles. To make them favorable for children, they are made with bubble gum flavor.
  • Mystery Science Theater is back Nerds and geeks rejoice! The shows creator retreats further into his bedroom and has become a modern aged hobbit.
  • Vegan Easter Eggs are sweeping the nation in England. Instead of gooey chocolate you get avocados, no oozy gooey goodness but healthy eating. Ruins the holiday in my opinion.
  • Hungy Hungry Humans, the new human version of Hungry Hungry Hippos. Why couldn’t they be in my P.E. Class when I was growing up?!