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Published June 22, 2011


I read an
ARTICLE in the Pittsburgh City Paper 3 days ago about stripper law changes. I’m usually not one for politics because they all are a bunch of corrupt cock suckers anyways.   The person who is proposing the new laws must be an ugly old hag who’s jealous that a bunch of hot n’ sexy women are satisfying men and she’s not. 

 

Here are the law changes verbatim from the article that concerned me:

  • No nude performances allowed; dancers may appear "semi-nude" -- defined as being "a state of dress in which opaque clothing covers not more than the genitals, pubic region and nipple of the female breast, as well as portions of the body covered by supporting straps or devices" -- on a stage at least 18 inches high. Dancers must be 3 feet from a patron seating area while on stage, and remain 6 feet away from patrons at all other times.

Seriously? That’s not a strip club. Guys that don’t get any or are tired of their women wanna see some new pussy.  They want to be next to the stage so they can smell some daddy issues girl’s crotch cause he’s tired of smelling his own on his right hand after self satisfaction. So this guy needs a little queef blown in his face every now and then. Big deal.

  • Dancers and patrons are not allowed to touch, making "lap dances" illegal.

Okay awesome! No nipples or genitals or touching! Guess I’m gonna save a few bucks go down to Victoria’s Secret and throw some dollar bills at the posters. Then maybe I’ll take a poster home and rub it on my balls.

  • Dancers must remain at least 5 feet from patrons even one hour after performing -- a rule that is "intended to control illicit sexual contact and reduce the incidents of prostitution" involving dancers.

An hour later? My dick’s still hard and I have all this money left over from not tipping you because I didn’t see your boobs. How about we head outta here, get closer than 5 feet, I’ll put something in you then pay you? 

  • Clubs must meet minimum-lighting requirements, and be laid out to ensure "an unobstructed view from an operator's station of every area of the premises, including the interior of each [private] viewing room but excluding restrooms."

Fuck private lap dances let’s put a spot light on me and let everyone know that Principal Jimmy hates his wife but loves watching some girl not give him a lap dance 3 feet away.

  • Not only must club owners be subjected to a police background check, so must dancers and other employees. In addition to identifying information like home address and names (including stage aliases), dancers must submit their fingerprints, a photograph -- even describe "any tattoos on [any] anatomical area that normally would be visible when the applicant is on the premises of the [club]." Licenses can be revoked upon conviction for prostitution or other offenses 

McDonald’s has harder criminals working there and they just have to show ID and a Social Security card to get hired.

  • Dancers are prohibited from "knowingly accept[ing] a direct tip, gratuity, cash payment or other item of value from any patron"

You can pretend to strip and never get paid. 

 

 

You are a terrible politician. I don’t even frequent the strip clubs but this pisses me off because since I don’t go this shit doesn’t bother me. You mean to tell me some girls dancing around on stage is bothering you?  Are you going there? Is this where you take your lunch?

 

When’s the last time you were having lunch and some stripper’s titty fell out into your drink? Never? Then why the fuck is all of this bothering you? How about make some jobs you worthless law maker instead of taking away the only option some girls (and guys) have to make a decent living? 

 

You know what this will equate to this? More call girls? Good? Bad? I dunno. But I hope this politician doesn’t call for my vote.

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