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Published: September 11, 2011
Description: A list of some new jobs being created by the President's jobs bill. "New" ... "jobs"... yeah.

Under President Obama’s new jobs plan the following jobs will be created and may now qualify for tax breaks. 

 President of the United States of America (This position has been filled)
 Vice President (Maybe)
 Thor, Almighty God of Thunder
 Fern Water-er

 Natalie Portman’s Body Double Who May or May Not Have Done All The Dancing In Black Swan

Nicki Minaj Wig Consultant 

Communist T-Shirt Wearer 

“Obama with a Hitler Mustache” Tea Party Poster Designers

Charlie Sheen Goddess

James Franco  

Trump Son 


Director of Spielberg Movies  

Script Paramedic  

Naked Cowboy (Paid Internship)  

Cereal Box Mascot for a Day 

New Jersey Consultant 

Sudoku Solver  


Fake Estate Agent 

 Laugh Track Contributor

 Head of Bieber Aesthetics

 Doomsday Warner 

Yo-Yo Operator 

Frozen Yogurt Critic


Ambassador to Ohio

Milkman (Is being brought back) 

Lottery Ticket Pre-Scratcher  


Shiv Wittler

 Youtube Commenter 


Jobs Bill Writer (May be laid off)

 Under Section 3, Article 4, Paragraph 9, Sentence 2, the term JOB does not extend to slang for sexual acts. Givers of a hand, blow, or rim job will not (AUTOMATICALLY) qualify themselves for a tax cut. It helps, though. 

 - Barack Obama

- Bill Clinton