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June 30, 2009


Whoever said vinning ze Oscar is no big deal, has obviously never had ze pleasure of using one as an uppenarschenstupper. Ze pointy little head on ze arschenhalle mit bleach; gott in himmel! . . It vas like mein very first strudel. But better because of ze professional recognition involved.   

Ich did it on a dare at ze Vanity Fair party.  It’s too bad zere vere zo many cameras in zat place. Grayson, zat charming man mit ze hair like ze flying nun, said Ich von’t be able to take a dump in zis town when ze shots hit TMZ.

If mein proctologist, Dr Schissegeboren, can’t remove ze statuette Ich von’t be able to take one in Vienna either.
But Ricardo, my waxer, says maybe it vill help my career.  Who can you believe? You can’t tell about zese zings in Hollyvood.

Still, Ich luff it here on ze coast.