- Your wallet - This can tear and deteriorate the condom.
- In my roommate Steve’s room - He’ll eat them.
- Your aquarium - The water will damage the condom and the fish will use them before you can.
- The glovebox of your car - If pulled over, a cop will see them when you get your registration and then you’ll have to have sex with the cop. That’s the law.
- Near your dog’s food - The dog will try to eat them, but Steve will beat him to it.
- Behind the framed picture of your mom - That wouldn’t be right. Your mom hated condoms, hence why you’re alive.
- In a church - Condoms burst into flames inside a house of God. Plus, Steve’s a priest, so he’ll probably be there and eat them.
- On the back of the Mona Lisa - You’ll need to assemble a heist team every time you want to have sex. Plus, it’s in France, where condoms aren’t allowed.
- In Steve’s mouth - You know why.
- On your penis - Condoms should never be near a penis. It ruins them.