Hey bro. Broey broheim. Cool dude broheim. You're a cool dude, you know that, bro? Just wanted to give you a shout-out. You were a really cool dude last night. It could have just been a night where I saw one of my favorite (if not the top favorite) movies of the year. But instead, you made it much more magical. Bro. Broseph. Thanks, bro.
I hope the people you were with have told you what a funny dude you were, brother, cuz you're a really funny dude. Every time you loudly and inappropriately commented on the movie with one of your hilarious jokes, I couldn't help but wonder how a guy like Sam Raimi's getting paid to write movies while you're just sitting in a theatre at the Grove. I hope you yell out at all the movies you see, because I wouldn't want anyone to miss out on having their movies made so much better just by your presence. If anything, I hope you hit up some stand-up amateur hours in the LA area soon, bro. Bro-a-rama. Disney's Brother Bear.
And there I was as the credits started to roll, wondering just what that movie sucked. Then you chimed in and said it all: "That sucked donkey nuts." You eloquent bro, you really said it, and I'm glad you said it loud and clear for everyone to know just who it was in the theatre that was being so cool for the entire movie. It was you, bro. The coolest bro that ever bro'd, straight outta bro-town, in the great nation of Bromerica. Bropulation: you. You're like the beautiful lovechild of Fonzi and the Big Lebowski.
So get started on that screenplay, bro, cuz I can't wait to see it. Yes, Drag Me to Hell was great, but I'd also say that it did nothing but suck on a bag of peanuts bought by a donkey at a Dodgers game when compared to the insightful commentary you peppered throughout.
If anything, next time you're at the Ol' Grove seein' a movie, make sure to let the theatre know what the just-watched movie sucked, because if I'm there, I'm gonna want to know that you're there to. Drag Me To Hell? I'd rather see Bro Me To Bro.
p.s. Everyone, go see Drag Me To Hell as soon as you can. Sam Raimi returns to his Evil Dead roots in a big way, and it's nothing short of goofily fantastic. There's a lot to enjoy, even if you don't have a really cool bro in the theatre with you.
Hall of Fame