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April 13, 2012

After 10 years of living with a barbed wire tattoo, Derrick Mason doesn't have any regrets in today's News From the End of the World www.newsfromtheend.com

San Diego, CA–   This Saturday will mark the ten year anniversary of the day that Derrick Thompson, now 36 years old, got an uninspired barbed wire tattoo on his right bicep, and remarkably, the part-time bouncer and self-described entrepreneur still insists that he has no regrets about the decision.


“I remember it like it was yesterday,” said Mr. Thompson, recounting the pathetically dull story behind his tattoo and its utter lack of creativity or significance from his Pacific Beach studio apartment.  “I saw Nick Lachey had one, and I thought, ‘that dude bangs Jessica Simpson.  Twenty-four hours later I had a sick ring of razor sharp barbed wire on my ‘cep, and to this day I couldn’t be happier with it.”


Mr. Thompson, who also claims to be a part-time DJ and custom shoe designer, doesn’t believe that the luster of his barbed wire tattoo has faded in the least.


“Oh, sure, people still react to it all the time.  Most of them roll their eyes up in their heads and say something like, ‘oh, God’ under their breath.  I take it as a sign of respect, like my tattoo is so badass that they don’t want to look directly at it, so they avert their eyes in the most obvious way possible so as to make sure I’ve noticed it and thus received the compliment.”


For now, Mr. Thompson, who also sells personal training sessions and seashell art on Craigslist, seems to have held on to every ounce of unchecked confidence that he had a decade ago when he first got his barbed wire ink, confidence that may have already pushed his vomit-inducing narcissism beyond the point of no return.


“My tat has just become a part of what defines me, like my sick abs, my ability to crush it, or my fierce loyalty to Axe Phoenix Body Spray.  It’ll always just be my scent, you know?”