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September 30, 2017
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Sometimes you need to make tough decisions and sometimes they're easy.

Me: Hey, Bud, so we’ve been talking and we decided that we’re going to switch your food.
Conan: Say what now?
Me: Now, don’t get all bent out shape about this, ok? It’s not a big deal.
Conan: Not a big deal? NOT A BIG DEAL?!?!?
Me: Right, it’s just food.
Conan: Just food? JUST FOOD?!?!
Me: Will you please stop doing that?
Conan: Stop doing that? STOP DOING THAT?!?!
Me: Dude, seriously.
Conan: Sorry.
Me: We’re just switching brands not flavor.
Conan: Was I a bad boy? I can change.
Me: No, it’s nothing like that. You’re a good boy.
Conan: But I like my food.
Me: Well, see that’s the problem. It doesn’t like you.
Conan: What?
Me: The side effects, man. It’s killing us.
Conan: Does my Lady Human know about this? I’d like to speak to management.
Me: We’ve already bought the new stuff and we’ve had this discussion before I’m management too!
Conan: Well, sure when she’s not here you’re totally in charge.
Me: Whatever. Just eat your food.
Conan: I thought we were in this together, man.
Me: This isn’t an us against them scenario, Conan. You’re old food made your ass smell like a dumpster fire inside of a sulfur pit inside of an even larger dumpster fire. It was suffocating us. Now stop being dramatic and eat your dinner.
Conan: …..
Me: …..
Conan: Brutus.
Me: Did you just make a Julius Caesar reference?
Conan: What?
Me: You called me Brutus as in “Et tu, Brute?”
Conan: What does that mean?
Me: It means “Even you, Brutus?”. Julius Caesar says it to his friend Brutus when he betrays him in a Shakespeare play.
Conan: Well, I don’t know about all that….but if the sandal fits……

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