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October 21, 2011

Dan loves Pizza.

Domino’s Pizza®
 unveils it’s mouthwatering new Artisan Pizzas and tastebuds all over America could not be happier.  New robust sauces, earthy fresh vegetables and premium meats top a hand stretched artisan-style crust and are cooked to perfection and delivered right to your door even if your door isn’t your door anymore.  

Even if your door is now the door is now your estranged wife’s door in the house you paid for that she now shares with her new boyfriend, Trevis.  (It’s like “Travis” but with an “e.”)

You want to hate him.  But you don’t.  

Sure, you could hate him for his stupid fucking name.  The name Travis is already gayer than ironing your blue jeans.

Sure, you could hate him for fucking your wife but you haven’t been able to do that for years.  Not in the way she wanted.  Not in the ways that she deserved.  

Sure, you could hate him because he’s black, and we all know how you feel about that, but then you found out that he’s from England and you have to give him a break. You’d take three British blacks for every one of our American blacks.

Sure, you could hate him for all the time he spends with your son, David, but you don’t.  Trevis is good to him.  He listens to him and teaches him things and makes him feel strong and confident.  Makes him feel like the world isn’t such a scary place.

In the last six months Trevis has already raised David into being a better man that you are.

You don’t hate Trevis because you know that even if he hadn’t replaced you in your home you would have left by now anyway.

You never finish what you start.  You can’t even finish this Artisan Pizza you ordered from Dominos.

It’s crust is 13 X 9 inches.  Just like Trevis’ big fat dick.

Go fuck yourself.

-Dan Dringle.