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July 22, 2016

So many shitty men have been sexist to Megyn Kelly this week that they're forcing me to like her.

Hey America? Can we talk for a sec? You have got to take a chill pill with the insane sexism. It is so unbelievably rampant, that you have actually made me feel sorry for Megyn Kelly. Megyn Kelly, Fox News Anchor, has somehow become a feminist icon.

In a news week when we’ve found out she was sexually harrassed by Roger Ailes, and she’s being blasted for wearing a spaghetti strap top in July, I feel genuinely sorry for her. If I could reach out to Megyn Kelly, I would say, “Hey girl, fuck those bastards. You and me? We’re on the same side.”

Except Megyn Kelly and I are NOT on the same side. Here are true facts about Megyn Kelly:

-She willingly works at Fox News
-She won’t call herself a feminist
-She will not reveal what her stance on abortion is
-She loves talking about reverse racism
-She said on-air to children that Santa Claus is definitely white
-She said on-air to children that Jesus is definitely white
-Remember the clock boy, Ahmed? She hinted his dad was a terrorist and on top of that called his clock lame
-She named her children Thatcher, Yates, and Yardley

On paper, I should be at the very least uncomfortable with Megyn Kelly, if not out and out arguing with my dad on Thanksgiving about why she’s taking women and people of color back forty years.

And yet? I can’t help but truly admire her self-possession and bad-assery. I start going down the rabbit hole… “Yeah, she did stand up to Trump…yeah, she is a powerful woman…Yeah, she’s totally a feminist ico-“ NO! Trump and Roger Ailes and other men in the media are so sexist, they are tricking me into thinking that Megyn Kelly and I are rooting for the same things.

This is like if white male America called Maleficent a bitch and I’m all, “No! She’s not a bitch! You don’t get to call her that! She’s totally empowering and goes after what she wants! She tried to murder a sixteen-year-old girl after not getting invited to her christening! Feminist. Icon.”


Maleficent: Not a bitch?!?!

I mean, what’s next? I feel sorry for the woman who actually chose to marry Donald Trump? Oh wait! I do! I do feel sorry for Melania. Sure, she’s a rich model and jewelry maker, but not only does she have to deal with Trump, which to be fair she chose, but now has to deal with the entire Republican party and American news media, which she didn’t choose.

Call me cuckoo, but one day I want to live in a world where there’s so little sexism, I have nothing to bond with over Fox News Anchors and wives of Donald Trump. Can you imagine it? It probably won’t happen with my lifetime, but I can only hope that one day, my daughters will be able to easily dislike racist women with reckless abandon.