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Sia released arguably the biggest music video of 2014 for her single, “Chandelier.” She followed that up this week with a big premiere of her newest video for “Elastic Heart” that features the same young dancer from the Chandelier video, Maddie Ziegler, dancing in a cage with actor-weirdo, Shia LaBeouf.

Hey, I’ll be the first to admit that interpretive dance is weird. It’s one of those things that, like, makes no sense usually. BUT, it is cool sometimes to watch some weird crap happen while a cool song is playing. I mean, that’s pretty much the basis for every great music video ever. BUT ALSO, we live in a society where you have to apologize if a few people don’t understand the weird crap you make. THAT’S THE WAY IT IS NOW. Sia was “bombarded” (i.e. a few people tweeted something) with criticism of the video, voicing their ‘pedophilia’ concerns, and Sia responded by tweeting out the requisite I’m-sorry-you-were-offended apology.

I apologize to those who feel triggered by \\#ElasticHeart My intention was to create some emotional content, not to upset anybody.

— @sia

Since this is how we do things now, I thought it would be useful to point out a few other musicians and bands that escaped criticism for their weird music videos just because they were released before every person with an internet connection could call your video a sex crime or whatever.


Blink 182 “What’s My Age Again?”

This is a no-brainer. Some barely-20 year old dudes hangin’ brain and running through a suburban neighborhood?! If this were real life and not a music video where everyone around knew that this was just a visual expression of the song, then actual children could have been harmed here! Mark, Tom, and Travis, we demand you apologize!


Notorious B.I.G. “Sky’s The Limit”

All I see here is children acting like adults. That’s literally all that is happening in this music video. Driving cars like adults. Wearing adult-looking clothes. Relaxing in hot tubs that only adults could afford. And adults have sex sometimes! This isn’t art, it’s pornographic trash!


Prodigy “Smack My Bitch Up”

Very unladylike! Say you’re sorry!


Blind Melon “No Rain”

Same problem as the Sia video. Young girls should not be dancing anywhere near men. That is pedophiliac and at 2:22 into this video we see crossdressing men in bee costumes dancing with a young girl, and they’re loving it. That is pedophilia and it’s about time someone called Blind Melon out on the carpet.


Goo Goo Dolls “Iris”

This is an example of a perfect music video. Shots of the lead singer isolated doing an activity that has a loose narrative structure to it and shots of the band playing in an unconventional place for a band to play, all happening while a rocking song (with no cusses!) plays. Take notes, Sia.

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