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Michael Bay Is Killing My Childhood
By
Joshua Proctor

Casey Anthony,Jerry Sandusky and Michael Bay 3 of the biggest monsters of the last few years……..now ok you’re thinking “What?! Casey Anthony was just a bad driver! And why is Michael Bay on there as well?” I tell you why, it’s my opinion that Michael Bay was ruined more childhoods than those 2 freaks.

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The devil wears Prada and makes shit movies

First he went after my Transformers. He turned what was a pretty cool cartoon into four 19 hour movies. 3 of which had Shia LaBeouf. If you look up Shia in the dictionary it would say
Shia (Noun)
1. If you see this word on a movie poster that movie is going to suck balls
2. D-bag
I mean just look at him now! He looks like he finally gave up on life. About 4 movies too late Mr.LeBeouf (*Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull)

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He should transform into a car so he can run over himself

I can’t really blame Shia. I mean if you keep telling a idiot that he can act then he will think he can being that he is a idiot also cause every movie he does makes 200 million dollars. But Michael knows better. Mike knew that Shia was just awful. Mike knew that Megan Fox acting is at gang-bang porn level at best. But the thing is Mike doesn’t give a shit. Cause he knows what every shit he puts up there it’s going to make shit load of money. That how he gets off.

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April O'Neil

“Oh I see that a lot of people are pushing for a Biker Mice from Mars live action movie. Well ok I got 80 million dollars to waste but instead of mice lets make them rats and lets have them come from the moon and also they ride pogo sticks now” BAM! Pogo Sticks Rats From The Moon is the highest grossing movie of the last 13 years. Meanwhile he is reading all of those Rotten Tomatoes reviews from the die hard BMFM fans (*Biker Mice From Mars fans just in case your not one) while he jerks off with $10,000 dollar bills. Just cause he likes raping your childhood memories.

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I wonder which one will be voiced by Bam Margera

But now he has done the unthinkable. He is going after my turtles! Right off the bat he could have let Corey Feldman return but nah………lets get Johnny Knoxville! I mean he did kill it in The Last Stand. Also he got Danny Woodburn to play Splinter. Who is Danny Woodburn you might be asking. Well besides sounding like a jerk-off injury he played Kramer’s friend on Seinfeld. I didn’t know that Splinter wore lifts (*Seinfeld joke)

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So Splinter gets those sweet pink robes from GAP Kids?

Now it’s easy to say “Joshua if you hate him so much just don’t see his movies.” True I could go that way. But I compare his movies to those 9-11 jumper videos. You know their going to be a bummer but for some reason you watch the whole 7 minute video until the very end and that’s how the TMNT movie is going to be. I’m going to watch it until the very last splat and then maybe after I will jump out a window. Pretty much the circle of life just ask Elton he will tell you.

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The logo for Michael Bay films

I just hope that Michael Bay doesn’t get the idea to make a new Ghostbusters movie or a Power Ranger reboot. Ok I got to go and get ready for me to pay $12 to get punched in the face. But just for the record Michael Bay is worse than a child killer and a child rapist.
#shellshocked

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