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May 10, 2016
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This is a TRUE STORY about the actual day I forgot to wipe my ass. I'm gonna go ahead and tell you, it was unpleasant.

THE DAY I FORGOT TO WIPE MY ASSby Jacob Webb

It was the summer of last year, not a day goes by that I don’t think about the pain I had suffered. It’s an odd pain to say the least. Let’s see …it all started around 7:00 am, I had set my alarm to get up early because I was starting a job at the local Dollar General and I had to be in by 8:00 am and if I wouldn’t have set that alarm lord knows I would have overslept.
So the alarm goes off BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!,my eyes quickly pop open pissed off thinking why I ever took this job, but I get up anyway. I put on my clothes, eat cereal and then go to the bathroom to take my morning shit. And this wasn’t just any normal morning shit, this way an “I just ate Taco Bell last night and it’s not sitting well with me"type of shit. I rush in like The Flash quickly pulling my boxers down and I EXPLODE!!! Shit EVERYWHERE and I mean EVERYWHERE, it won’t stop. It’s taking so long I look at my phone to check the time and low and behold it reads "7:50”. Realizing I’ll be late on my first day if I don’t hurry up and finish , so I flush the toilet and pull my pants up not wiping my ass, and out the door I go.
In the car I start getting this itching sensation in my ass and I completely realize that I forgot to friggin’ wipe my ass after I was done so I’m grinding my ass on the seat of my car praying it will stop, but it of course doesn’t. I finally get to work and my first thought is that I’ll just go to the bathroom and wipe my ass but as my luck would have it, the bathroom was closed. So I’m fucked. I start sweating right through my Dollar General attire, and at one point I said fuck it and grabbed a roll of Scott’s toilet paper off the shelf,looked both ways and pulled my pants down wiping my ass and lemme tell ya, it felt so good I jizzed my pants. I got a boner and just fucking creamed everywhere. By this point everything felt so much better so as I’m about to pull my pants up the Manager walks back to where I’m at and sees what I just did and she immediately vomits everywhere and calls the police on me. So I’m arrested and sitting in a cell with a bunch of losers who would not stop staring at me.

The weeks that followed were very tough. No one spoke to me, I was considered the weirdo who wiped his ass in Dollar General. I had no friends. But what they didn’t know is that I was raped while I was in jail and i was going through a severe trauma called Jizz Ass. Where you just got butt raped and you can’t get all the jizz out of your asshole. It’s a very serious condition. But know everything is okay, I have a steady job and I have a girlfriend, so things look good in my future

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