Leave Past Mistakes Behind You
When a man gets married, he should leave the past behind him, and forget all of his poor choices. After all, there is no use in two people remembering the same things.
The question that will most rapidly drive fear into the heart of any many is, “Honey, do I look fat in this?” If you are approached with this question, falling to the floor in a mock coma is recommended.
Women love men who cook but they can't resist a man who does the dishes.
THINGS NEVER TO ASK OR SAY TO YOUR WIFE...
THINGS NEVER TO ASK YOUR WIFE
- Have you put on weight?
- My mom didn't make it like this.
- I taped the Redskins game over the wedding DVD.
- That's really not your color is it?
- Have you ever thought about plastic surgery?
- I bought you a cookbook.
- I bought you a hammer.
- I thought you needed this. (Note, unless “this” is a piece of expensive jewelry then you are asking for trouble.)
- I had lunch with my old girlfriend today.
- Anniversary? What anniversary?
- Birthday? What birthday?
- Why can't your mom stay at a hotel?
- So, what did you do all day?
- Hi honey, look whom I brought home!
- I married you, didn't I?
Chunky is a candy bar. Never use it as a reference to your wife.
The wedding day is usually a high stress time for everyone. Having some funny advice for newlyweds may keep bridezilla at bay. Just be sure to be sensitive to the stress level so your funny advice doesn't get you kicked out of the wedding party.
THINGS NEVER TO ASK YOUR HUSBAND...
Things Never to Ask Your Husband
- Do you think I look fat in this?
- Would you rather watch football or go shopping with me?
- Do you think the new neighbor is pretty?
- What do you think of my new recipe for 'insert name of exotic gourmet dish here'?
- You don't mind if I take that new position across the country, do you?
- Aren't you going to stop and ask for directions?
- Are you sure you can do that?
- Is that a bald spot?
- Do you love me?
The best way to win an argument with your husband is to begin removing clothing.
Men usually want either food or sex. Learn to cook and keep your pantry stocked if you want to get anything done.
Don't bother fighting about money. There is usually not enough of it to go around anyway.
There is a season for everything. Now that you're married the seasons are: