I love watching a big shot millionaire celebrity get all huffy puffy at an interviewer’s question and storm out of a Marriott conference center as much as the next guy. Usually I’m like “Well if you don’t like the big lights and the tough questions then stay in the kitchen, CELEBRITY!” But this Robert Downey Jr. walk out has me siding, and Lord forgive me for this, with the big shot celebrity.
The interview took place during a UK press junket for Avengers, and the Channel 4 interviewer, Krishnan Guru Murthy, makes the most awkward, nervous, convoluted segway from talking about Avengers to wanting to bring up RDJ’s “past”. Here’s the vid:
This was clearly a bit of very poorly executed ambush journalism. I mean, come on Krishnan, you wanna ask about drugs at some dumb puff junket for Avengers? Then dive in that dirt and ASK. When I was a kid and our family went to dinner at a restaurant (TGI Fridays, Olive Garden, etc.), the waitress would ask what I’d like and I’d mumble and not make eye contact and my dad would scold me. “Look at the person you’re talking to and speak directly and clearly! Now drink your milk (My family drank milk with dinner even at restaurants. Apparently that’s weird).”
I know the headlines today will focus mainly on RDJ walking out of this interview but seriously, screw this interviewer. He’s clearly just trying to get a reaction out of Downey and the fact that he probably calls what he did journalism is a slap in the face to everyone from Woodward and Bernstein to guys who writes articles about celebrity interviews on comedy sites everywhere. Honestly, he needs a talking to from my dad, so I had my dad write some notes to Murthy as he went through this video.
:00-:14 - Murthy, what the hell are you doing here? This is your transition from talking about what it was like to put on a fake plastic suit and fly around in some star wars movie to getting to the deep and unexamined depths of Robert Downey Jr.‘s already well documented past? Just look at him, man to man, and ask what you want to ask.
:15 - Goddammit, Murthy, he’s already all guarded and irritated by your wishy-washy crap. You lost your upper hand. This is just like when I watch you play basketball and you dribble at the top of the key, just standing there and dribbling through your legs like some kind of circus-boy, the defense is just licking it’s chops once it sees that hesitation.
:17 - You don’t ask someone if they want to answer a question in an interview, Murthy. Just ask it, Goddammit! This is just like when I overheard you asking out that girl from your school, Molly, and you started by saying “I want to ask you something, and feel free to say no or maybe or whatever, but…” Nobody wants to deal with that crap, just ask her out.
:28 - Calm down Murthy, goddammit. And stop jumping your goddamn foot! This is just like when I saw you do that speech competition in 8th grade and the girl before you ended up choosing the same topic as you, El Nino, and she did a way better job than you and you got up there and were quivering from head to toe like some kinda nervous tree. Sit still, it shows confidence.
:35-1:05 - Now this is what I’m talking about with you Murthy, you take a full 30 seconds to ask one question and I’m still not even sure what in the goddamn hell your trying to ask. What are you trying to ask this man, anyway? If he still likes drugs? Then sit up straight, look him in the eye and say “Robert, do you still like drugs?” That took literally 2 seconds.
:58 - Don’t think I didn’t see you there cameraman, zooming in on Robert’s face to dramatize his reaction. Drink your milk!
1:11 - He beat you, son. Goddammit, no one in this family will ever be a winner. Don’t look all indignant. He called you out, you hesitated and he beat you. Don’t cry about it. This is just like when you used to cry after striking out in tee-ball. Rub a little dirt in your face and get 'em next time.