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August 08, 2016
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Looking back, maybe these things WEREN'T so great.

Remembering the wonderful times of the past can often get us through the total shit show that is the present. However, if you stop for a second and really think about those “glory days,” chances are many of the things you perceived as being great at the time were probably almost as terrible then as they are right now.

Here is a list of those things.

  • Your parents’ marriage
  • Anything NERF
  • The weather during your elementary school summer vacations
  • Riding shotgun
  • Giving your teacher a hard time
  • The Gulf War
  • “The Slap” on The Real World Seattle
  • F*R*I*E*N*D*S
  • Friends
  • Playing with fake machine guns that shot water
  • I don’t know, some other bullshit toy. Maybe like Micro Machines?
  • When you found out about 9/11
  • The first time you broke your arm
  • Speaking in Spanish with your Grandparents
  • “Real” Four Loko
  • Your Uncle David
  • The Dream Team II
  • Gym class
  • Barenaked Ladies (The band)
  • Over-the-clothes stuff
  • Puppy mills
  • Home Alone 2
  • The first time you stayed awake for 24 hours
  • A T-shirt with a swear word on it
  • Getting a dog high
  • Happy Meals
  • Choco Tacos
  • Gutting Fish
  • “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”
  • Your priest
  • Cigarettes
  • Asking stores if they have anything in Turquoise
  • DEMOCRACY, am I right? (now dead)
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