Ok, I have some time to tell you about one out of many times I've been jumped by a gang of wanna be cholos and walked away untouched because I'm a manipulative bastard.
All througout my high school days, people kept asking me if I was related to Able De La Rosa. At first, I usually responded, "No, why?" And they'd be like, cuz you look just like him. There is no way someone could be this good looking so I finally got curious enough to find out who he is and what he looked like. After one lunch period worth of research I found out Able was a Highly respected and feared gang leader. I forget which gang because where I grew up there are two gangs per square mile. It was weird looking at him because he did look like me alot. He had the same haircut, eyes, cheeks and height, but he wasn't as hot as I am and didn't have anywhere near the charm and personality I possess. I don't know if you've ever felt the strange feeling of looking at someone that looks just like you but it's like looking at all your familiar features in a mirror only looking at someone else. It's the same feeling you get when you meet the "OTHER" brothers and sisters your dad didn't tell you about.
So, one day, I was going to meet my girlfreind in between classes as usual when I saw that she was being hit on by a very aggressive gangster. He was taking steps towards her and she was taking steps back. I threw my arms in the air in the cliche, "WTF, ese". The guy was very apologetic and left us alone. I saved the day, right?
Well, Later that day, I was in the bathroom combing my amazing hair when that apologetic gangster walked in with about 15 guys. I noticed he already had sports tape on his knuckles and he was not so apologetic this time. He was like "What now" and "Say that shit again". This guy had all the advantages, element of surprise, sports tape, a gang to back him up if he loses and he was jumping a man so georgous, it was obvious he'd never been in a fight before. Adrenaline kicked in...you know that feeling of fight or flight? The feeling that I've got to survive under any circumstances, grasp any branch to live...I realized Able De La Rosa was standing in the back of the crowd and I reached for my only chance of Survival. I looked at Able and said "Watch your boy, cuz!"
Able was like "Do I know you?"
"I'm your cousin!" came out of my mouth like Holy Ghost. You know how Psychics will say general things like "Someone you love recently passed away." Well, just like one of those psychics on TV I said "I'm Rachel's son. Remember the family reunions and B-B-ques at Tia Rosa's house?" Able looked at me for an eternity while he tried to place me and then he said,"Oh yeah!" I didn't even miss a beat, I was like "What's wrong with your boy, primo! He hit on my girl and now this?"
You should've seen the look on the guy with sports tape on his hands...he was like :o
"You guys are cousins?" and I was like "First Cousins". "Oh, sorry, I didn't know" He was apologetic again and I spent the rest of my high school days hoping Able never found out we weren't related.