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Arizona Teenager Cites Skeletal Face and Ravaged Vagina As Primary Concerns

Tucson, AZ (CHN): As a child she grew up singing 'Like A Virgin' and 'Material Girl', but now 19 year old Kathryn Cross has changed her tune and has confirmed that for the very first time she no longer yearns to be America's Queen of pop music.

"I think that all young girls are dreamers; we all love a fairly tale and the concept of fame and glamor," said the recent East Point High School graduate. "I guess as I got older I sort of lost the inner desire to become one of histories most notorious hoe bags; all the while slipping into a cycle of religious confusion, anorexia, and kidnapping". Cross affirms that she's 'now thinking pharmacist'.

According to friends, Kathryn's Pre-Madonna status began to wane as she ritualistically counted the legions of men*(see footnote) who have annihilated Madonna's hump hole(s).

Now as a confirmed 'former Pre-Madonna', Ms. Cross has agreed to simply be satisfied with a future of sex on the 3rd date resulting in a series of multi-year dysfunctional relationships prior to pussy whipping a guy (with a job) into marital submission by age 29.

Un-named sources say that goals of being a neighborhood MILF later in life are just a pipe-dream when considering her mothers chicken neck and varicose veins.

*Dennis Rodman, Susan Seidelman, Jim Goddard, Charles Barkley, Jose Canseco, James Soley, Brian Shaw, Geraldo, Sean Penn, Guy Ritchie, Howard Bookner, Warren G, Penny Marshall, Uli Edeo, Able Ferrara,Wilt Chamberlain, Stephen Bray, JFK Jr., Jean-Michel Basquiat, Lenny Kravitz, Will and Grace, David Letterman, Benicio Del Toro, Jason Statham, Alan Parker, Elizabeth Taylor, Antonio Banderas, Spike Lee, Aiden Quinn, Mark Kamis, Sally Jesse Raphael, Don Mattingly, LL Cool J, Stephen Jon Lewicki, Harold Becker, Jellybean Benitez, Warren Beatty, Dario Casalini, Tony Ward, Tony Bennet, John Enos III, Arsenio Hall, Jamie Jungers, Rosie O'Donnell, Geena Davis, Sandra Bernhard, Carlos Leon, Bel Biv Devoe, Harvey Keitel, William 'The Refrigerator' Perry, Ted Dansen, Kenny Rogers, David Duke, John Schlesinger, Christian Laettner, David Blaine, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, Al Pacino, Vanilla Ice, 1999 Chicago Bulls, Carlos Leon, ALF, A-Rod, Tom Brokaw, Viewers of Evita, Six People Who Know Kevin Bacon, Several men in the Erotica Music Video, Greta Garbo and Monroe, Deitrich and DiMaggio, Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean, Grace Kelly, Harlow, Jean-Picture of a beauty queen, Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, dance on air, They had style, they had grace, Rita Hayworth gave good face, Lauren, Katherine, Lana too, Bette Davis, we love you, Ladies with an attitude, Fellows that were in the mood... (list heavily truncated due to CHN server limitations)

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