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September 17, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

According to the LA Times, the Boy Scouts may have tried to cover up over 500 cases of alleged sexual molestation between 1970 and 1991. It's a part of the LA Times' new investigative series, "Let's Double-Check to Make Sure Every Anti-Gay Organization Isn't Molesting Children."

On Sunday, Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel said he's seeking a court order to end the teacher strike. His first challenge being making sure the judge didn't go to public school.

Mitt Romney's top strategist apparently threw out Romney's convention speech eight days before it was to be given. Also odd is that he didn't even offer a reason. He just sat there. Silently.

Britain's Channel 4 will broadcast a study in which volunteers take the drug ecstasy. Researchers say they hope to prove that British people can in fact display emotion.

On Friday, insurgents wearing U.S. Army uniforms led a major attack on an air base in Afghanistan. Officials say they can definitely now see why other people don't like it when that happens to them.

The NHL is locking out players for the second time in eight years due to failed contract negotiations. Though mainly it's because they like to fight in as many ways as possible.

To combat disruptive patrons, theaters in the U.K. are beginning to use "cinema ninjas," volunteers who wear black body suits and patrol theaters. Or as Fred Willard calls them, part of the fun.

In an interview on "Meet the Press," Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said Iran might be six to seven months away from building a nuclear weapon. Adding, "And who knows how many Palestinians they'd kill with that."

Hundreds of Pakistanis marched to the American Consulate on Sunday. Like many others in the region, they were outraged over the portrayal of Muslims in the propaganda film, "Why is Stoner Jesus in This Anti-Muslim Propaganda Film?"

An Iranian foundation has upped the reward for the assassination of novelist Salman Rushdie to $3.3 million from $2.8 million. Always good to see that fundamentalists understand cost of living increases better than most businesses.

Actress Amanda Bynes' car was impounded after she was yet again stopped by police. But how do they expect her to get back and forth between getting pulled over next week?