"What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?"
"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful flamingo flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak - and also he's carrying a beautiful painting with his feet - and also you're drunk."
"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
"If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, "Hey, look! He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right; it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink."
Ah...the great Jack Handy. He's got some deep thoughts.
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY EVERYONE!!! And remember, even if you're not Irish, you're still lucky - depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't work for the rabbit.