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October 03, 2011

You love food. You love money. Here's the plan...

Last week this presumably single guy became the world Burrito Eating Champion by downing 33.5 burritos in 10 minutes (there’s a big gob of it hanging off his chin) and ended up having his fat face splattered all over the news outlets (It’s true, even serious news organizations ran this story … What, there no wars this week or something?)

Now, the question is: why didn’t Taco Bell sponsor this competition in order to get all the free publicity? Which brings us to our money making scheme: make a career out of having corporations sponsor your disgusting food fetish!

PLAN A: Make a career out of stuffing yourself with disgusting fast food.
Offer your services to various companies and then break the world record for ‘eating’ the most of their products. For example, get McDonald’s to pay you to eat 30 Big Macs in 10 minutes (or whatever the world record is). The companies get free publicity, while you get the cash after your released from hospital and are enjoying your new colostomy bag.

PLAN B: Become the Don King of Extreme Eating by compiling a team of fat pigs to do the dirty work for you. Advertise on Craigslist for people who would like to get famous with Plan A (above) but couldn’t be bothered to actually do the work in order to get the sponsorships  themselves. In your role as Don King you make the phone calls, hook up various corporations with a member of your FatSquad, and skim a bit from the profits when the cheques come in.

Listen to two fat pigs discuss this idea here...