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Published December 12, 2008

(Chicago—Illinois) In the shadow of current Illinois Governor (and soon to be sharing living space with a 300 pound White Aryan Nation member named Pile Driver) Blagojevich’s FBI investigation, the Obama Economic Team is alleged to have proposed a plan to President Elect Obama that would put legislative seats up for auction on eBay.

The media storm began from a leaked internal memo allegedly written by Larry Summers, nominee for Director of the National Economic Council. “We’re in uncharted waters here. Think Tom Hanks in “Castaway”. We need to find our Wilson, to boldly go where no man has gone before, to set our phasers on kill. My suggestion would be to take a page from those entrepreneurs who were auctioning inaugural tickets on eBay. Why not auction seats in the legislature?”

The potential first scandal of the Obama administration may have ended were it not for an unsolicited comment to an Associated Press reporter by Christina Romer, Chair of the White House Council of Economic Advisors. “We can’t sugar coat this. The economy is lower than Paris Hilton’s IQ, and it doesn’t help when you have geniuses suggesting that we auction off legislative seats on line.”

Summers is no stranger to controversy.  During his five-year tenure as President of Harvard, Summers’ politically incorrect statements incurred the wrath of women and environmental groups. That wrath was not quelled when the same Associated Press reporter repeated Romer’s statement to him. Summers’ response, “I’m not saying that I’m advocating it. But I’m not denying it. However, to that reaction, I have two things to say, ‘Bitches, man’.”

Vice President Elect Joe Biden attempted to manage the possible crisis when he addressed it on CNN’s “Situation Room”. “Wolf,” said Biden, “No one is talking about doing this. But I will tell you that I have been buying and selling on eBay for years. I’ve got a feedback rating of 99.8 percent. This speaks to the quality of candidates, uh, buyers that are out there.” To the “bitches” statement, Biden simply said, “Is that bad to say?”

President Elect Obama, once again, showed his talent for management and a clear path solution when he directly addressed the matter in his weekly YouTube broadcast. “My fellow Americans, we are facing challenging times. We have to be creative, yet responsible; a free market, yet regulated. Rest assured, no one is rushing to eBay. But we will study it. And if we choose to auction off legislative seats, they will first be limited to the state legislature, then only the House of Representatives. And because this is America, where an equal playing filed in guaranteed, eBay Power Sellers will be exempt.

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