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August 31, 2008


One day about a year and a half ago, I was driving home from work in my slugbug, rocking out to the Bee gees or Dan Fogelberg or Little River Band or some shit, and I was feeling a might gassy. So being that I'm alone, and a big fan of personal comfort, I decide to let one go. Instantly, I'm both comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time (don't read too far into this yet, I didn't shart.). I'm comfortable because my gas is no longer taking up empty space inside me. I'm uncomfortable because, well, heat rises.

The first thing I notice is that it smells, which is normal. However, the second and more interesting thing that I notice is that the smell kind of reminds me of Mcdonald's french fries. ...Hang with me people, it gets worse. Immediately after that, my next thought is that I'm now kind of hungry for Mcdonald's.

. . . Okay, allow yourself a moment to go ahead let that sink in. Gag if you must. Light a scented candle to get the smelly thought out of your head. Or maybe go buy some Mcdonald's if that's what suits you......sicko.

After having said all that, I would like to pose the following question to you: Am I disgusting for getting a craving for Mickey D's after smelling my own gas?

I understand that your initial gut reaction will be "Yes. Yes, hell yes! Absolutely!" However, I must follow it up with another question. What's more disgusting? The fact that I got hungry after smelling my own foul stench, or the fact that every last one of you have eaten french fries that taste like the inside of my ass?

I rest my case.