Chris Brown is facing up to four years in prison on felony assault charges after allegedly attacking a man in Washington D.C. early Sunday morning. We were gonna try and put some comedic spin on this story by listing “20 Things Chris Brown Will Be Punching In Prison” or “14 Pieces of Dirt That Resemble Chris Brown” or some other bullshit that would only serve to focus MORE attention on this only-moderately-talented, woman-beating, misogynist asshole but you know what? No. Not this time. We're not even gonna give him the satisfaction.
Instead, let's all look at something positive, like, I dunno...sunsets. Yeah, sunsets are the opposite of Chris Brown. Here, this is a nice one:
There we go, a beautiful, Chris Brown-free sunset. Here's another:
This one's got sort of a nice desert motif - and no sign of Chris Brown for miles and miles around.
Look, this one has a dolphin in it. I bet that dolphin never beat the shit out of his girlfriend then went around acting like he was the target of some arbitrarily-waged smear campaign by an actually-way-too-forgiving dolphin media. Nope, he’s just splashin' around, enjoying the pretty sunset.
There’s a couple in this one. Like all couples, these two must occasionally have their disagreements, yet there’s not a single punch being thrown. Pretty nice, right? Maybe there should be a news story about them. And how about that sunset?
Yessir, if you stop thinking about Chris Brown for long enough, stop paying attention to him, it’s as if he starts to disappear entirely…
And just maybe, someday, he will.