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March 24, 2009


Borrowed Time:  We’re here with beard Aficionado and ruler of Asgard, Odin.   How ya been, big O?

Odin:  (noticing the bean bag chair we have provided him) What matter of throne is this for the Mighty Odin?

BT:  The best kind of chair in the world is the matter, that’s what!  And cut that third person shit out right now or this interview is over.

Odin:  My apologies, citizen of Midgar.  My boy, Thor, starting doing that ages ago.  It is utterly annoying, yet as infectious as the plague.

BT:  Which bring up the reason for our interview today, the upcoming movie you are co-starring in, “Thor”; based on your son’s popular comic book line.  Care to tell us what it’s like to work with Kenneth Branagh?

Odin:  Movie comics with my son?  What matter of speech is this?  I thought I was brought here to warn all of the next cycle of Ragnorok.   Tell me, is this “Branagh” a Frost Giant?

BT:  Not sure, I’ll have to check his IMDB page.  Are you telling me you know nothing about a new film or any Marvel properties bearing your son’s name?

Odin:  Verily!  Do you attest to say that you are unaware of the necessary cycle of death and rebirth that is Ragnorok?

BT:  Sounds like a season of “Dancing With the Stars”, so count me uninterested.

Odin:  (sighs heavily, rubs his temples with his hands) So be it.  Would you care to tell me a tale of these, “Marvel properties” of mine son’s namesake?  Such as, what is a comic book?

BT:  Oh they’re totally kick ass!  Check it out, I got one right here.

Odin:  (paging through my copy of Thor #600 [yeah I have a copy with me, so what?])  I see.  Tell me, do all comics portray the women folk with such enormous bosoms?

BT:  Pretty much all of them, actually.

Odin:  Splendid!  These are much more satisfying than the “female portraits” that good Balder provides me.  Though the gender is a bit tough to perceive, this one is suppose to be fair, lady Sif.

BT:  (hands me a charcoal drawing on a rock of a stick man saying, “Make love to me Odin!”)  If its porn you want, at least I think that’s what you want, check this out.

Odin:  (paging through the recent issue of Hustler[yeah I have a copy with me, so what?])  What in the name of Bor is this?!  (throws the magazine back at me)

BT:  Sorry, guess that one is a little bit graphic to someone with such delicate sensibilities.  You might want to stick to Maxim.  Anyway, you quite obviously have a boner right now so is there anything you’d like to add before I ask you to leave.

Odin:  (red-faced and desperately trying to hide his erection)  Y-yes.  Take heed for the end is nigh, soon the Rainbow Bridge will be in ruins and all will come to an end!

BT:  Rainbow Bridge?  You mean the gay bar downtown?  They tore that down and put up an Applebee’s months ago.

Odin:  (appears to be in great pain) Then I am already too late!  Forgive me my brethren!  (leans forward and sobs into his hands)

BT:  Come on man, close-up your robe!  You’re worse than my grandpa when I visit him at the nursing home.

Borrowed Time