Look, everyone loves PDA — there’s nothing people love to see more than a couple sucking face in public. But not all PDAs are created equal, so here are some of our favorite ways to lock tongues where other people will definitely be present.
KISSING YOUR LOVER’S ELBOW ON THE SUBWAY
We all know you gotta kiss a boo boo to make it better, but what about kissing your lover’s elbow when there’s nothing wrong with it? Sounds like a recipe for PDA success, baby! Be sure as you lower your head to their bony joint to make a very loud smacking sound as your lips hit their dry skin, just so the whole subway car knows what is happening and can look over to enjoy it.
MASSAGING YOUR LOVER’S SHOULDERS AT A RED LOBSTER
Red Lobster isn’t just a destination for great seafood and people who had sex with Beyonce — it’s also the perfect spot to drop your mitts onto either side of your lover’s neck and knead away. The best time to do this is after the main course (your hands will still be sticky with butter and crustacean juice) but BEFORE dessert, because you’ll need both hands free to lovingly spoon feed Warm Apple Crostada into your sweetie’s face hole.
ABOVE-THE-CLOTHES GROPING YOUR LOVER AT A FIVE FOR FIGHTING CONCERT
Good music might as well be called mood-ic, because it gets you in the mood — for touching your lover all over without removing their clothing. And what is more musical than a Five for Fighting Concert? If at “sixteen there’s still time for you” then at 37 there’s definitely still time for you … to feel all up on the one you love through layers of cotton and chambray. Your fellow concert-goers will definitely appreciate the visual — it’s hard to enjoy music unless you are CERTAIN it’s arousing the people around you.
FRENCHING YOUR LOVER AT YOUR NIECE’S SIXTH GRADE PRODUCTION OF
“JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT”
If there’s one thing that can beat a vacation to France it’s a vacation to FRENCH and by french I mean frenching, the type of kissing you do with your tongue. And what’s a better place to poke around the dental crevices of a beloved than a middle school gym filled with metal folding chairs as a pre-pubescent voice cracks through “Benjamin Calypso”? Nowhere, because you’re not only enjoying some quality time with your baby, you’re teaching the middle schoolers surrounding you how freaking awesome making out is.
HIGH FIVING YOUR LOVER IN THE
MID-MANHATTAN BRANCH OF THE
NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY
Is it the sexiest thing on this list? Maybe not at first glance, until you realize there’s nothing more nasty than being loud as hell in a library. ;)
HAVING SEX WITH YOUR LOVER IN A
And of course, the most romantic place for any PDA is Duane Reade, where your fellow shoppers will thank their lucky stars you and your horny lover are holding nothing back from their eager eyes, ears, and noses. Watching you straight up nail each other on the cold tile floors of a chain drugstore is all strangers need to finally feel good about themselves. In the words of David Bowie, “We can be heroes just for one day.” In the words of this article, “You can have sex in a Duane Reade ANY day.”