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Published February 20, 2012

 

THE MEET
 
I met Shaggy in June 2010 at an underground concert in deep Bushwick Brooklyn.  The concert was in a warehouse basement, with little light, and lots of counter-culture.   I try to camouflage in pretty much any situation and for this venue I went with rocker chic - a mini leather jacket, black skinny jeans, and motorcycle boots.  It seemed reasonable that the guitar player with the crazy long hair and army jacket sought me out after the show.  I wrote my number on his unbelievably bony arm among some serious ink and agreed to see him the following week.
 
THE FIRST DATE
 
I may have passed for alternative at The Meet, but in reality I'm about as doe-eyed as Zooey Deschanel when it comes to sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs.  One time I discovered that a family friend smoked marijuana and like total narc I told a relative who informed me that it was probably because everyone smokes weed.  Gasp.  Spoiler alert: I'm about to get out of my depth.
 
Shaggy and I decided to meet up at a Brooklyn dive that was full of graffiti and ironic video games.  Since Shaggy isn't a sparkling conversationalist, I took the reigns and led what disintegrated from an interview into an interrogation.  My questions were staccato and pressing; his responses were slow and hung in the air like cigarette smoke.  It was like Alice speaking with the Cheshire Cat.
 
ME
 
So what do you do when your band isn't playing?
 
SHAGGY
 
Umm.  Yea.  I'm like a musician?
 
ME
 
Oh really, full time?
 
SHAGGY
 
Well.  Yea.  [licks lips, nodding] And for extra cash I sell.
 
ME
 
Sell what?
 
SHAGGY
 
Yea.  You know. [nodding]
 
ME
 
No, I don't.  What do you sell?
 
SHAGGY
 
I well.  Like right now?  I [licks lips] sell the green and the white.
 
Beat.  Beat.
 
ME
 
[whispers] Are you talking about [beat] drugs?
 
SHAGGY
 
Well, um.  [licks lips] Yea, but it's cool.
 
ME
 
Oh. My. God. Do you USE drugs?
 
SHAGGY
 
You know.  It's like, no, I like, don't use the brown anymore.
 
Then we have an Inception moment when we just stared at each other.  I was shocked - that he was shocked - that I was shocked.
 
In my imagination, Take a Walk on the Wild Side started playing as I shimmied backwards out the side door "And the girls say, doo doo doo, doo..."
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