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Stats & Data

October 09, 2012

A letter written to eHarmony expressing the frustrations with their site.

Dear eHarmony,                                                                                                             



I have been a single man for a long time so I decided to make an account on your site.  I spent 20 minutes filling out your extensive questionnaire as honestly as I could, only to come back with a result of “no matches at this time.”  I frequently go back to see if anything changes and the same message is still always there.  I’ve even tried to go back in and change some answers and it won’t let me. 

Isn’t your slogan, “there is a match for everyone.”?   Where are my matches?   I don’t even care if she’s like a 6.5/10.  You mean to tell me I’m not even worthy of a 1.5?  My left nut is worthy of a 1.5.  There have got to be some butter-faces out there that would gladly drop their panties to even be in the same room as me.

 I’d gladly snag some STD laden meth addict; surely you’ve got some of those?  It’s the height thing, isn’t it?  The second I put 4’10” on that questionnaire I had no chance at a match.  Women are allowed to be as short as they want but god forbid a man be short.  You should have just saved me the time and just ended the questionnaire right after I put my height. 

What I didn’t mention, was the 12 inch hammer I have downstairs.  That’s what women really care about.  If your questionnaire asked what kind of tool I was packing, I would have countless numbers of matches but nooo; you had to ask about the height!  Or maybe your problem is with the fact that I have a 3rd nipple?  It’s a more common occurrence than you’d think.  Doesn’t even matter though, I still have a 12 inch power bar.  More penis question would mean more results for everyone so give the people what they want.  Give me results or I’ll switch over to CougarLife.com.       






Tim Johnson

eHarmony Customer