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Published April 10, 2011

Element Touch Table LampI recently moved into a bigger Manhattan apartment and decided to scrap the old lights and install all new lighting. Searching around Amazon, I found this impressive light. After purchasing several, for a bargain price of seventy dollars, one found its way onto my circa 19th century desk. It provides ample illumination with the 3 watt LED. I would compare the illumination strength to that of two robust matches. If I turn on the lamp at night I am able to read what it says on a Post-it note if I carefully position it under the light.

Another benefit of the lamp is it looks just like a faucet. Many a guest has attempted to wash their hands under my lamps, sometimes their hands even lathered up with soap. After asking me how to turn on the faucet, I tell them it is actually a lamp and then promptly kick them out for attempting to wash their hands over top of a fine piece of furniture. In fact, one of those Real Housewives of New Jersey somehow got into my apartment when I was throwing a party and tried washing her hands with my lamp. She supposedly had ties to the Mob, so I chose not to say anything, rather, opting to let her wallow in her own foolishness. One guest amusingly told her that you must speak to the faucet for it to turn on and she began shouting commands. “Wawt’uh! Turn on!” It was quite entertaining.

The Element Touch has a gleaming chrome finish, rivaling that of even the most polished faucets. I find myself having to keep tissues at my desk, as I am unfortunately able to peer right into my nasal cavity. However, if I am running late for a meeting it is good to have that mirror chrome finish right there to check for anything in my teeth, such as remnants of any organic Peruvian spinach leaves from my salad at lunch.

To review- The lamp is a great deal at seventy dollars (I have several); the light is bright enough to allow someone to read a watch if you held your wrist directly beneath the lamp; it could easily be mistaken for a faucet (so you can laugh at the dullards); and is so shiny that in case of emergency you could signal for rescue/start a fire if necessary, or just use it to pop a zit at your desk.

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