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272 Funny Votes
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Published August 27, 2013
Miley
 
Miley Cyrus's performance at the VMAs has left millions of girls confused.
 
“I thought I knew how to be a sexual attention whore,” said a teen girl in a top that exposed her midriff and bellybutton piercing. “As far as I can tell, it’s still okay for me to simulate sex when I dance with men and animals in a video,” she said, “Just not the way Miley did it. Right?”
 
“Before Miley’s performance, I knew what was expected of me,” said a bewildered and barely clothed teen girl. “I was going to make a sex tape and enjoy lifelong fame and fortune. Now my whole life plan is called into question. Like, am I being an underage sexual attention whore… properly?”
 
Britney and Rihanna
 
“Girls are finally going to have the tough conversations with their mothers about how to properly calibrate their overt sexualization from a young age,” said Freston Forza, renowned expert on female objectification. “One thing is certain: Don't stick out your tongue and don't be Miley Cyrus. At least not at the same time. Other than that, it's business as usual, girls."
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