Miley Cyrus's performance at the VMAs has left millions of girls confused.
“I thought I knew how to be a sexual attention whore,” said a teen girl in a top that exposed her midriff and bellybutton piercing. “As far as I can tell, it’s still okay for me to simulate sex when I dance with men and animals in a video,” she said, “Just not the way Miley did it. Right?”
“Before Miley’s performance, I knew what was expected of me,” said a bewildered and barely clothed teen girl. “I was going to make a sex tape and enjoy lifelong fame and fortune. Now my whole life plan is called into question. Like, am I being an underage sexual attention whore… properly?”
“Girls are finally going to have the tough conversations with their mothers about how to properly calibrate their overt sexualization from a young age,” said Freston Forza, renowned expert on female objectification. “One thing is certain: Don't stick out your tongue and don't be Miley Cyrus. At least not at the same time. Other than that, it's business as usual, girls."