15 Secrets Stoners Aren’t Telling You
By Conor Frank, USC Funny Or Die University
Pot, weed, ganja, Acapulco artichoke. The magical green plant known as marijuana has enticed college students and hippies for decades, yet remains an enigma to many as we flush away the remnants of Reagan’s Drug War down the drain. Your brain on drugs isn’t always a bad thing. Here are a few of the insider jokes stoners have been lighting up to for years.
1) Stoners are too busy debating pop-tarts vs. toaster-strudels in their heads to pay any attention to what you’re saying.
2) Stoners may appear sober with eye drops, but their last played song is on constant repeat in their minds.
3) Walking through town is like a scene in Mary Poppins on a good day.
4) And when stoners drive, everyone looks like the cops.
5) Winnie the Pooh is the official mascot of all stoners.
6) Stoners in public constantly wonder if others know they’re high.
7) It’s not you, stoners think every joke is funny.
8) Stoners are wondering if people actually see colors differently.
9) Stoners are slow to respond because time actually decelerates down and not for any other reason.
10) There is no sense of volume when stoners talk.
11) When stoners laugh out of nowhere it’s from something they just thought of, usually not clever at all.
12) Stoners communicate mostly via telekinetic pulses and eye contact.
13) Every time stoners remember something important is an actual revelation and will be treated as such.
14) Stoners always wish they were wearing sweatpants.
15) Stoners have more fun!
There you have it! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some budness to attend to.