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October 27, 2011

Sounds like a good idea.

A Modest Proposal

In response to a foundering candidacy, the Perry campaign announced a bold plan to fix the economy: sell Texas to China. Texans are befuddled, the rest of the nation is jubilant. “The Chinese already have all our money,” Perry said, “and this will bring it back to American soil and get us out of debt at the same time.” When reminded that under the plan Texas would no longer be on American soil, Perry grumbled and shot a coyote.

But, we shouldn’t be so dismissive of Perry’s plan. After all, it has distinct upsides:

Texas would no longer be able to send us Presidents;

It’s environmentally friendly. By moving China closer to the United States, we’ll reduce the carbon footprint of all the cheap plastic crap we currently import form the Asian mainland;

The “illegal immigration problem” will be attacked on two fronts: 1) with the signing of the check, all the illegal immigrants in Texas will be China’s problem, and 2) Texas would no longer be an American border destination for people coming from the South.

Finnaly, the Chinese government will nationalize the Dallas Cowboys, and Jerry Jones will cry. Anytime Jerry Jones cries, it’s a good thing.